The mind of a mad man (Joker fanfic)

January, 5th. 2010

I been feeling... Off, lately... My mind goes blank and violent visions occur. But those never seemed to happen before... My wife never even seen these happenings either.

These happenings started at work... I work at Ace chemicals. I worked the forklifts and shit, you know. Heavy lifting, hauling deadly chemicals... But an accident happened that day, and some chemicals spilled, I think some managed to get on me. Ever since then, it's been affecting me.

My names Jerome by the way, and I live in Gotham. Lived there all my life. My father's worked at Ace ever since he had me, but he was fired, and was driven to alcaholism. So when he died of alcohol poisoning, we weren't surprised... In case you were wondering, my father was highly abusive when drunk. He would beat my mom all the time, and I was forced to watch, or I would be next. He died when I was about 17, which was back in 2008? It's been a while though. My mom's been taking it hard, though... My father left her with a type of ptsd. And when he died, she was forced to live through it. Quite a few times she was even sent to Arkham asylum. And that ain't good. She's been good... Been doing so for a year now.

Anyway, back to my conditions. These violent visions included a lot of death, and it included me. But I didn't look like myself... I had green hair, pale skin, and tattoos everywhere. And with this strange girl... It felt kind of satisfying. Like as if the thought of having all the power in Gotham was slowly filling me. But for now, I been trying not to do anything major... Luckily it's been working, I just try to work more to keep my mind off of it, but voices in my head started to chime. They started to say, "Jump in... Have a dip... It'll make all your stress go away..." I don't do it though... As much as the voices tempt me I can't.

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Monday-January, 14th.

I started having violent fits... Not regular fits though, I find myself laughing... Maniacly. They start either with those same voices that tell me to jump into the chemicals, or just strong thoughts, and I break. I wind up throwing shit, even breaking them. One very strange fit really got to me... This one involved me taking every sharp object in this house, every knife, sword, fire poker, and everything else. I would arrange them in a circle and a small path, and I layed right in the middle... Just... Laughing. And I don't know why. I'm starting to get concerned... Very concerned. But I'm still trying to deal with it.

My mom stopped by and I did the fit that I was talking about. She was really worried, she wanted me to see a doctor. But for some reason, the voices said to refuse. So I did, I said I was fine. But apparently she never believed me, because she said, "No you're not. You've been acting strange... And whatever it is, it's getting worst..." that somehow annoyed me... And I snapped, I shouted at her and said, "I don't need to go ANYWHERE! I haven't felt this good in my life!" Then I started to laugh again, and I ranted... My mom ended up calling the police because I started to throw the knives. Some stuck into the walls, others ended up breaking stuff and almost hit her...

Next day I was booked into Arkham. It was horrible. But the voices told me I'd be fine... But I couldn't help but panic... I had those fits again, I flipped my bed, and threw my mattress across my cell (which wasn't very big) the guards had to put me down... But all I remember was being pinned down, and I was laughing. And I remember vividly the laughing getting higher pitched, and more insane like.