Silent Schizophrenia

Part 1

I've always been a mute at least since I was 10 I'm now a junior in high school and I'm struggling with depression anxiety and schizophrenia making it even harder for me to talk I just can't make myself do it I'm on some very strong meds but they mostly just take the edge off. My high school has tried to work with me to help me but I still hate it there as obi wan said "you will never find a hive of more retched scum on the plant". My name is Jonathan but everyone calls me Nathan for short I'm about five foot 6 and I have orange fur running down my body but my ankles down and my hands are black as a dark sewer which despite popular belief is darker than night which is a blueish black I'm a fox a fox who is currently trying to breath amidst a crowd of people waiting to get into school I hate crowds and I'm very sensitive to noise and smell so I was in pure hell. I finally made it to my first class which was English which went well since it was one of my favorite classes and during the break between classes I was walking to science when in a daze trying to silence Mark a small but annoying voice in my head that was telling me how I'm worthless and how He wants me dead you know the usual stuff people like me have to deal with. I'm walking still internally fighting with Mark when I slam into something hard but warm and that jolts me to my sense and I realize in my daze and hurriedness to get to the next class I had run right into a huge horse I mean he was at least 6'4" and built like a Greek god he is white with brown splotches and staring me right in the face my ears flattens against my head and I hear mark chime in "oh great you did it again I hope he hurts yah pretty bad for that yah dumb fuck" but on the horses face I'm expecting him to be angry but instead I'm surprised to see a smile his deep brown eyes looking right into mine and I hurriedly speed walk to my next class not giving him the opportunity to respond. All through science my mind kept wandering to that equine and it wasn't until I started fantasizing about him uhh not wearing any clothes that I had to stop myself and for the first time me and mark were agreeing on something's here was no way he would ever go out with some one like me he probably has some basic ass girl for a girlfriend so I tried to push him from my mind it was Friday and there was I carnival tonight I didn't want to go at all but I promised my friend maddy a wolf that was 5'2 but had an extra foot of attitude that I would go with her. I go the rest of my day with out seeing that horse which I was glad about and when the final bell rang I almost raced to get out of that school where I could breath again and maddy was waiting for me at the bus stop she usually skipped the last class which for her was pe which she hated "hey Nathan how's it going" she says cheerfully and I look to her and smile a little "hah that's better then yesterday" and she was right I was crying yesterday because I had learned that my english teacher wouldn't let me into honors next year so I was really down. Maddy and I ended up spending the day together and when we finally got to the carnival I was trying not to fall down in fear there was to much for me to focus on my brain said fuck it meaning I was a little brain dead until maddy saw I was uncomfortable and we went to go sit down away from the noise and bright lights we sat there for maybe five minutes until maddy says "hey check it out" pointing to a small booth I look up and my eyes widen there was a booth with a sign reading KISS FOR A DOLLAR and guess who was running it yup the horse from earlier "do it" maddy says and I look at her with my ears flat against my head "cmon it won't be that bad" she says before pulling me up and before I can react I'm standing in front of the horse "he'll have one kiss" she says and she hands him a dollar  and in a deep voice making my knees quiver he says "alright and what might be your name little guy" and maddy replies "his name is Nathan he's a mute so he don't talk" he chuckles a little and maddy hears her name being called probably one of her friends who had just spotted her and she walks in there direction my head is tilted downwards and seeing him stand closer to me the wooden counter separating us I look up to see him very close to me but he was smiling his eyes were kind and I though t to myself fuck it and I lean in to kiss him it was just a small peck and I look back down at the ground before feeling a finger on my chin gently pulling my head up and I couldn't hold my self back and neither could he we both leaned in and kissed each other for a second until we started making out his strong but gently hand on my cheek my small but graceful hand on his neck. He pulls away and whispers "what's your number big boy" and I pull out my phone showing him my number and he puts the numerals into his phone before saying "I'll text you later" and I smile and turn around and almost jog to maddy happier then I have been in a long time. Later that night I was sitting in bed trying not to scream as I was having a panic attack so I was hugging my knees to my chest and I hear a buzzing sound next to me I look over and I see it's an unknown number 'hey is this Nathan?' It read I picked up the phone still shaking a little but the worst has passed 'yah this is Nathan. And you are?' I respond 'this is Vincent I'm the horse from the carnival' his message reads and for some reason even though it was text he seemed to calm me down a lot 'oh haha hey sorry I never caught your name' I finally responded with and after a minute or two I heard my phone buzz again 'I was wondering and it's alright if you don't want to but I thought maybe we could go out some time' my heart skipped a beat and it took me a second to think about it and right about know is when mark decided to say something even though I'm on heavy meds and I go to therapy twice a week mark just doesn't want to leave "don't do it he's out to get you you'll get there and he'll take you away and do awful things to you" mark said he often did stuff like that and he is why my anxiety is so bad I'm scared to do anything and Mark liked to fuck with me and because he was so good at it I rarely said yes to anything but this time I somehow over powered him I picked up my phone and typed out 'sure I'd love to :-)' but I hesitated before hitting the send button should I really do this? I ask myself I can't talk so it wouldn't be very fun for him even though his voice turns me to jello I don't want him feeling like he has to talk for the both of us I made up my mind and hit the send button and his reply was almost instantaneous so he was probably waiting for a response the whole time 'awesome how about we go to the beach tomorrow at say 3?' His message read and I smiled to myself Mark telling me he was gonna try and drown me but I was at home in the water and it was a short walk from my house to the sand so I agreed 'that sounds great' I replied and his next message read 'sweet uhh sorry I gotta go my dad needs me to help him with something' and with that our conversation was over. I lay in my bed feeling really happy for myself even though I was super worried. I fell asleep like that and I had a dream where I was with Vincent and we were at the movies but we were alone In the theater and with his arm around me I nuzzled into his side and he kissed my head lightly. I noticed the bulge in his pants and I licked my lips before looking up at him he looked down at me and kissed me my hand moving down over his bulge and he pulls away "wow there little guy were in a movie theater" he says but I only lick his neck in response before making my way down to his slightly hard member leaving a trail for kisses behind but before I could continue I awoke my dick was fully erect and I figured why not so I begin to jerk myself off it was dark out side so the chances of me getting caught were very small and as I was rubbing my hard cock I closed my eyes and absent  mind idly thought about Vincent his sexy voice his wash board abs his large member and as I climaxed I imagined he was cumming all over my face. I lay there for a second pondering what I had just done I open my eyes and see I'm covering in my own cum so I start to lick my self clean imagining it was his that I was cleaning up. The next day I awoke to the sun shining in on me and I felt an excitement for the day I feeling I haven't had in a very long time. I get up and get dressed I put on a necklace it was a trident I had gotten from maddy. I walk into the kitchen and take my meds my parents were gone they both worked weekends so I was home alone not always the best for a schizophrenic and of course Mark was talking and being a dick as always so I tried to ignore him while I made my self breakfast. I turned on the tv to try and give me some company so I switched it to looney toons the new version wasn't as good as the old one but it was still funny. After eating I looked at the clock it read 11:36 and I thought to myself I should probably clean up a little bit before my date in a few hours. I take a shower brush my teeth you know the usual stuff and when I was done the clock read 12:18 I looked around and figured I'll just play some TF2 while I wait and after a few rounds I looked et the clock on my phone 2:30 I hated being late to anything so turned off my computer and walked outside the beach was only a few blocks from my house. I took out my phone and texted Vincent to make sure we were still on and where to meet him he said yes and to meet him at Neptune beach so I started walking down the drive way I live in the mountains with a stunning view of the ocean. I hit the main road and cross it going along a foot trail down to highway 101 people usually didn't go this far so it was relatively empty I waited for a car to pass and I crossed the road to Neptune beach the only cars I see in the sand filled parking lot are a soccer mom van and a sports car I sit down on a bench and wait for Vincent to arrive and maybe five minutes pass when I hear a large truck drive in I look up to see a red pickup truck and guess who got out that handsome horse I smile a bit and stand up he looks around and then spots me walking towards him he waves and he pulls what looked like earbuds out of his center console and put them in his pocket before walking to me "hey how's it going" he asks and I smile holding up my thumb "oh right mute got yah" he says and I pull out a small dry erase board and a marker and write out 'I'm good you?' and he smiles clearly amused and says "I doing wonderful" we walk down to the shore he talks I mostly just listen occasionally answering a question he might have he was a perfect gentlemen. As night began to fall we stopped walking and went to sit down on the sand leaning against a log he did the classical yawn then arm around the shoulder technique which made me giggle a little bit leaning into him his warm body comforting me agains the cold sea air. He pulls out the ear buds and a splitter with a second pair he hands me the second pair and he pulls out his phone and plugs the splitter into it I put the ear buds in a little more exited I love music and I wanted to see what music he was into and my heart skipped a beat when I saw the of Monsters and Men-My Head is an Animal album cover and he hit shuffle it landed on "Dirty Paws" one of my favorite songs from my favorite band he is perfect the opening notes fill my world and I smile as the song takes us a to a different planet I lean my head against his body and he nuzzles his head into mine we sit there for the rest of the song and the next song to come on was "Crystal Eyes" I move my head so that I can look at him and he looked down at me his eyes gazing deep into mine and as the chorus hits he leans in and kisses me I kiss back for a second before getting on top of him as I hear the singer say "cover your crystal eyes and let the tones run down your spine" I lean in and  kiss him his tongue runs across my lips I gladly let it in and his tongue glides over mine I begin to grind into him lightly rocking my hips back and fourth his strong arms around me and my slender arms hugging his neck I was in heaven and for those few moments all of my problems left and I was his to protect and he was mine to heal.