Jimin:
Life is made up of moments. Moments like this one, where I'm walking out of a corner store that's near my home, carrying a plastic bag with goods in it.
People remember the big moments. The ones that seem like the epitome of existence: first dates, senior prom, graduation, breakups. They choose to care for the moments that go by in a flash, the ones that are hazy.
But for me, for me moments like these, where I'm doing a run of the mill chore to a place I've been to a hundred times, are the greatest. It feels like I should forget what happens here. Like the memory of grocery shopping will drift into the back of my mind and be forgotten, as many other things are.
It can't be forgotten, though. How will I ever manage to forget this feeling that encaptures me the second I walk out of the chilly store and into the sunlight?
The sun shining in the corner of the reddish-orange horizon, setting, letting darkness take over, a sweet, navy blue kind, one that reminds me of evenings spent on my balcony looking over the street below and seeing so many lives taking place.
Light, bright and warm, humid, illuminating the top of my head, enough so I can see wisps of my brown hair in the corners of my eyes, the bell on the door still ringing pleasantly from when I opened it, letting the cool air circulating in the store out and into the sky.
The streetlamps flickering on, preparing for the night ahead, although unnecessary, like a spotlight on a well lit stage, making all the actors stand out.
The road is empty, and I can hear my own steps as I walk down the sidewalk, thinking, wondering. My mind is apart from my body, but I can still feel the light tug of weight in my right hand where I hold a bag of groceries.
No one is around, so I say my thoughts aloud in a soft whisper because for a reason that evades logic, speaking is a lot more official than keeping phrases in my mind. So I talk.
I ask questions and let them echo, let them float up into the atmosphere, inquiring about past friends, foes, goals, and much more. Soon enough there are tears in my eyes, and I have no idea why I'm crying.
Maybe it's the sheer experience of being. Of feeling so many different things in my surroundings, which are the same as they have always been, but entirely different at once. All at once I am feeling a surreal sense of awareness-- I know who I am, what I am, who the people around me are, but I can't put those things into words.
Overwhelmed. That's how I feel. I'm completely taken over with emotions that I can't quite explain. Emotions that make me see clearly, making it so there is no focal point, just complete definition in every little inch of space. Everything is sharp and in focus, the perfect photograph.
And again, like I do in most of the little moments that seem trivial, imbecile, I realize something. I realize how beautiful the world is, eraser marks and all.
Right now I just be, just exist, and it's nice.
It's nice to just be me.
Jimin.
For some reason I want to yell it out.
I want to yell out to the neighborhood, the city, the country, the universe, that I am Park Jimin, a guy who just exited a corner store and bought seaweed for his boyfriend.
Park Jimin, a man who is inspired everyday by watching his lover, a guy who crunches on seaweed with bunny teeth bared and eyebrows furrowed, do anything and everything.
Because as I said before, I take value in the subtle things. I take value in coming home to my apartment with snacks in the evening, I take value in brushing my hand against his, in every warm embrace he gives to me.
Hand holding, smiles, laughter, seaweed, hugs.
I guess that doesn't sound like much, but to me it's the world.
Me and him.
Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook.
Us and the memories that make our everything.
The small ones that are casual, everyday things, things that will never make it in a movie, that aren't good enough to be remembered.
Those are the best.
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To anyone and everyone reading this, remember that you are wonderful and have purpose, although you may not know what that purpose is. Without you there would just be empty space. Don't ever regret your life because it's not your fault you're here, but while you are here, chase happiness with all that's in you.
Thanks for reading (it means the entire world to me),
-katie
