Comfortably numb

Jeli

"You are only coming through in waves Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying" ~ Pink Floyd

Eli

I walk in to my room, surrounded by blackness in such a small space. I set my things down and flop down on the bed. Visions of what I just saw were swimming through my mind. I was helpless. Sctrach that- I was more than helpless. I was broken.
I was praying that no one would even dare to call or text me, asking what the hell was wrong. But of course, it happened anyways. My phone started to play Lana Del Ray. It's Adam.

I picked up my phone, "Hey man."

"Hey."

"You alright?"

"I'm fine. I just need to take a break from all the "it's okay to cry" shit."

"Ah, I see. Well, Clare is over and she was just wondering if you were okay since she didn't see you in school."

I groaned. "Well why didn't she just call me?"

Adam sighed heavily. "Because she was afraid that you would push her away. And it seems like your doing the same to me."

"Adam-"

"I have to go. Take care Eli." He said as he hung up.

I screamed through my pillow. I needed some sort of comfort or support. Something to make me feel less numb. I tried to drink water, do whatever helps but none of it worked. I then got a text from Clare.

Clare: Let me know when you want to talk. I love you.

Eli: Okay. I love you too.

I was sobbing​ against my skull pillow, kind of wishing she were here with me. But I don't need to put her through that. She doesn't deserve it.
I then hear my phone ring again.

"What is this, why can't I get peace." I groaned.

I wiped my tears away, so my phone was visible to my teary eyes. Jake?

"Hello?"

"Hey dude. It's me. Jake."

"Well yeah. I can read caller ID you know."

I heard him chuckle through the phone. "You need company?"

"Um- I um- sure."

"Text me your address and I will be over in 10."

"Okay. See ya."

I feel my Christmas lights upon my wall burning into my eyes. I really needed to see no light at all. I just needed darkness. But all I could see was blood. Blood. Blood.
Stop saying blood, I told myself. Of course, my mind doesn't listen.
Dead bodies. Dead bodies. Is all my mind is repeating. Feeling guilty was the last thing on my mind but also the first. I should've came faster. I should've talked him out of it. I needed some sort of outlet. Something to hold on to.. as the door knocked, I knew what that thing was.

I quickly ran down the steps, opening the door knob to see Jake, clad in plaid and jeans.

"Hey El-"

I wrapped my arms around him and digged my head into his chest.

He patted my back in a ackward way as I sobbed.

"It's okay um- you will be okay dude."

I pulled back, wiping some tears off my face.

"Sorry- I am just really- um-"