Light Shadows

Chapter 1~Lessons Learned

I drum my fingers on the bone table, the sound only faintly heard, caused by the echo inside the large conference hall. I try to focus on what Kaszar is speaking about but I am not able to hear anything beyond his smug smile. How lovely it would be to just tear it right off of his face. How could Father not see that the only thing he wanted was more power? But of course Father would not believe me if I said anything about it; Kaszar was his most trusted advisor.

So I was stuck listening to his voice which sounded like a promise of pain to come. His true form came to mind. Father requires all council members to meet in their human forms because it is easier to communicate since most have their own distinct language besides the main backlander language. 

I notice it has gone quiet in the conference hall and stop my drumming, breaking out of my daze. Father is staring at me. In fact, everyone in the room is staring at me. After i meet his gaze, he turns back to Kaszar and motions for him to continue. I breath out in relief but i know it will be short lived. Father will not let it go. He knows that i was not paying attention and I will surely pay for it later. 

Despite my inevitable punishment looming in the near future, I am still unable to focus on the meeting. I try to focus on paying attention and get so caught up in trying to find my focus that i do not even notice that the meeting has been dismissed until i hear the bones of the chair legs scrape against the marble floor. In turn, i stand as well, dipping my head toward Father before i head out.

Father finds me in the hallway that leads to my rooms. He leads me towards the training room. When we arrive, he points to the middle of the floor. While i stand there, he circles me.

"Do you even know", he sounds annoyed, "what that discussion was about?"

"No, Father."

He rubs at his face, sighs, "Of course you do not. Do you even realize the implications of what your lack of attention could cost the backlands? We could lose powerful allies."

"I am sorry", i reply. I know my punishment is coming.

"Apparently, you are not sorry enough", Father sounds gruff as he holds out his hand towards me. I have no choice but to take it.

As my fingers brush against his, pain courses through me. His darkness, much stronger than mine, overpowers mine quickly. I am unable to take my hand away. He intensifies the pain and i gasp but make no other sound. It would only be longer if i made a sound. My vision goes blurry and i feel as if i might faint but i have dealt with worse, much worse, so i tough it out. When he lets go, i step back on wobbly legs but do not fall, i would never dare to fall.

"Go to your rooms now and get some rest", he plants a kiss on my forehead before he leaves the room. As soon as the door closes behind him, i sink to my knees to gather my bearings. After a few deep breaths, i get up and go to my chambers as Father told me to do.

I go to the sink in my bathroom and splash water on my face; my fingers are shaking. Water drips off the tip of my nose and splashes onto the edge of the sink. I stare at my reflection in the mirror. My dark eyes blink back at me. It is almost as if i could get lost in the sea of my eyes. They are such a dark blue color they seem black, just like the depths of the Sea of Nightshade. Most people did not see the blue in my eyes, assuming they are just plain black since my hair was so dark it could be a piece of the night sky. I shiver and wrap my arms around myself.

I always have this reaction when i am punished. However, as long as Father does not see me like this, i am okay. I walk back into my bedroom and take off my heels. Then i shed my back dress for nightclothes, also black but with a red hem. I slip into bed and pull the warm covers up to my chin. My eyes start drifting closed but i am not able to fall asleep because of the images that haunt my dreams. I do not want to see them. Their faces. Their cries and pleadings. I know what i have done and i am not ashamed. Most, if not all of them, deserved their fates and Father says i should not be ashamed of punishing to create order.