No Hands but My Own

Chapter 13 - Choice

"Ayri. Can I speak with you a moment?" Sle asked as I bent over one of the untrained, bandaging up a scrape.

"Sure. Just let me finish this up." With a strong tug, I tied off the bandage with a snug knot. I straightened out and walked over to where Sle indicated, a little patch of tall grass just beyond the perimeter of our makeshift camp. Our temporary home was nothing more than tramped down grass and a few salvaged blankets black with soot. Once passed through the curtain of tall grass, Sle turned to face me in the false privacy of the field.

"What is it Sle?"

"What are we doing? What are you thinking Ayri?" Sle asked, trying to hold his emotion in check.

"Do you need to ask? I should think  that it's obvious."

Sle lost control. "We are not going back! We've got too much to lose!"

I held my ground in the face of his rage. "No. We've lost too much to leave. Besides if we leave, we leave the whole North open to easy conquest. I will not put other clans in this situation. Where would they go anyway? Beyond their little oases of vegetation or running water, there is nothing but ice. Sle, they will follow us North. You know they will. We need to stop them."

"With what Ayri? We've got five trained warriors including you and I! That's it! What can we possibly do with that few?" Sle exclaimed, frustration in his voice.

"We can slow them down at the very least. We can make them uncomfortable or worse, unprofitable. We can do this Sle. We need to." I tried to speak reasonably, as one would to child, but Sle would have none of it.

"We don't even have a clan Ayri. And that is a fact you must face." He stated, regaining his calm demeanor. 

"No we don't. But we do have a bunch of really angry and desperate people. That's enough for now."

"We could recruit the Northerners and regain our home. Ayri, we could go North - maybe even live up there. We do not have to fight."

"Sle! Understand this. As we are right now, we are all going to die. Now I don't know about you, but I want to die with my feet on my home soil and a blade in my hand. And that is how I intend to die. Not hiding up North, waiting for the cold, our enemies, or exhaustion to kill me. " I glared at him, determined to prove him wrong.

"You just want revenge. And you don't care about the price." Sle turned away, disgustedly.

I reached out a hand and placed it on his shoulder. "I want revenge. That's true. But I care about the price. Very much so Sle. This was my family too. My home too. And I'm not giving up on them yet."

"Giving up on them? Don't make me laugh." Sle sneered. "You just want to wage a little war, kill us all and maybe - if you're very lucky - you might just manage to kill a few of the people you want dead."

"What do you expect me to do? I have only two choices here - lead us to death by war or by some other means. That's it. You know that the journey North will probably kill everyone; we are too weak right now. Tell me what to do Sle! Because I don't see a way out of this trap. " I exclaimed frustratedly, throwing up my hands.

I turned away from him. We each looked out on the opposite sides of the gently waving grass encircling us, determined not to be the first to turn and acquiesce the other's point of view. A pregnant silence held us for several minutes; only the floating voices of our little camp nearby and the whispering wind could be heard.

"I don't know what to do, alright?" The words exploded  from Sle. I turned my head and watched him shake his head dejectedly at the earth. He ran a hand up across his face. "Just - just think about the consequences before you do anything. Promise me?"