The tears fell relentlessly, like an angry ocean. I could hear every word my aunt and uncle said. Every word they screamed. The migraine in my head stabbed just as hard as their words in my heart, and I just wanted it to be over.
"This is why I left, Levi! You've always been so selfish that I just couldn't handle it anymore!" Alexandra screamed and I shuddered. Something inside of me boiled with anger at her words. They were so untrue, so wrong.
"Selfish?! You're the one who wants to take him away from me and you'd never let me see him again! Why can't you just understand that he just doesn't want to live with you?!" If I could see Levi, I'm sure he would've been running his hands through his hair, like he always did when he was frustrated. My hands rested shakily on the doorknob. Desperately, I wanted to do something to end the argument, but I was too much of a coward.
I was violently being ripped back into the darker days of my childhood months before and after the split. I backed away from the door, which seemed to grow taller as I became more afraid. I coughed and my throat was left raw and dry. I fell back onto my bed, propping myself up with my elbows. Not again, not again, not again. I wanted nothing to do with their arguments anymore. I was sick of being dragged into it.
My head burned and I slid off my bed, unable to keep my balance against it anymore. I coughed again and felt myself get sick as I was sitting on the floor with my back against the side of my bed. I wanted to scream, but my mouth remained closed in fear of vomiting all over my floor. I looked down at my blotchy hands and knew my face must look twice as bad. I put my fingers to my cheeks and jumped at how cold they were. I tried to focus on what was around me, but my eyes couldn't directly meet anything.
I put my hand on the ledge of my night table beside my bed and tried to pull myself up. The table tipped dangerously and my alarm clock slid off and clattered to the floor. I winced and hoped that it just sounded louder in my head. The yelling downstairs, which was like a soundtrack to the nightmare I was having right now, stopped abruptly. I wanted to call down explaining I was fine, but then I would've been lying. Nothing I could think of could explain why I felt this way at seemingly random times. Usually, the ocean was present, but now, I was as far from it as I had been all day.
That didn't stop it from being stuck in my head, though. I couldn't see it physically, but mentally it was very present. Maybe that was the problem with me. I hated the ocean, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. There were hurried movements coming up the stairs and I tried to heave myself up from the floor, but I moved too slow. Uncle Levi and Aunt Alexandra both rushed in as if they weren't arguing before. The signs were so familiar it hurt.
"Whitaker? Are you alright?" My aunt was asking questions as usual. I knew she and Levi were extremely frustrated because, like usual, wisps of her blonde hair strayed from her tight bun. She had tears welled in her eyes and her knuckles were whitened.
"Wit? Let me help you up." Levi didn't ask questions (probably because he knew what happened). He stepped between me and Alexandra and grabbed me under the arms. He pulled me up like I was a little baby. I would've gotten myself up, but I really couldn't push myself from the floor. Uncle Levi placed me on my bed and ran a hand through his hair.
"See. He's sick." Said my aunt, who'd been studying me closely the whole time, unblinking. "He'd be better off in my care. I can afford to get him the medicine he needs."
"No- Just no. Wit, do you need me to get you anything?" Finally, a question I could answer.
"I think I just need some quiet." My eyes drifted to my aunt. "And some sleep, obviously." I wiped my eyes and sighed. I just wanted to sleep forever and never have to be afraid again.
"No. Levi, I'm not going to stand for this any longer. You either take him to a doctor soon or I'm taking him with me during my next visit." My aunt paused and glared hard at Levi. Then, she faked a smile and bent down to kiss my forehead. "Call me if you need anything. I love you." She gave one final glance in my uncle's direction before stomping out of my room. Levi and I shared silence that couldn't have been comfortable between any two other people.
He cleared his throat. "Whitaker," and I knew it was serious, "it may be better for you to live with your aunt. She thinks she more qualified than I am and maybe she is. Besides, she won't stop nagging me until she wins. She has more money and it'll be better for you. Away from the ocean and.."
I couldn't the rest. I felt like all the air in my body left me in record time. "No." I probably interrupted his rambling. "I'm not going. You can't make me."
"Wit, please don't make this harder than it has to be."
"I'm not going." I said, the combination of sadness and anger was making me sick all over again.
"Whitaker, please!" My uncle's voice increased in volume from obvious frustration.
I felt tears fall from my eyes and roll down my red cheeks. How could he do this to me? I felt everything suddenly land on my shoulders and I broke down. "Why would you want me to go live with her?! She tried to force me to take pills and shots all the time because she just wanted something to tell all of her friends during her fancy brunch hour with them!" I bawled like a 5-year-old. "Wh-why would you make me go?! You know I can barely function properly by myself and you know I'd be on my own with a bunch of needles in my arm." I stopped, trying to catch my breath. I could feel my bones shaking, literally shaking, with fear. I couldn't do this.
I choked on my own tears and felt Levi out his hands on my shoulders. He must've taken a seat on my bed. He heaved a heavy sigh. "Whitaker, look at me."
I shook my head. I was so hurt that he would even suggest that I go to live with Aunt Alexandra when he knows her just as well as I do. "You know how earlier you asked me if there was anything I needed?"
"Yes, what is it?" He asked, concern filling his voice. I'm sure he thought I need medicine or some water or something.
"I need you to let me stay."
