Dear Granny,

Dear Granny, (5/14/17)

Happy Mother's Day... Yesterday and today have been something...

Yesterday, I went back down to San Diego to get all my things from my mother. She burned her bridge with me because I needed her for my FAFSA and she refused to help me. Which is almost forcing me to pay the entire price of my schooling. With help, I may have found a way now. I would have to be emancipated (even though I'm an adult. It's stupid, but whatever). I told my father to give him a heads up, so he wouldn't contest. I won't tell my mother because she won't drive two hours (if the judge decides to have a hearing) anyway. I might have to wait until next year now, but either way I'm going to school and I will become a Surgical Tech.

Today, just a few hours ago actually, I found out (via my mother) that your mother passed away last night. My Nana... I remember one time when I was really little, we drove around the corner from her trailer in the Foothills to the pool in her complex. I sat in the trunk and you drove really slow. I remember picking blood oranges from her neighbor's trees. I remember her and everyone else in the kitchen making cheesecake one year for Thanksgiving, and I had to stand on my tip-toes to see the top of the table. I remember staying the night with her and not being able to fall asleep, so she brought me a glass of warm milk. I remember looking at the oil paintings on her wall of you and your sister and your two brothers from when you were toddlers. (I now have that painting of you hanging up in my room. I don't remember who I got it from, but I do remember being in a hurry to get all of my things out of my father's house when he kicked me out that when I threw everything into my girlfriend's car the bottom right corner of the painting ripped. I cried all the way back to her house and even still thereafter.) I remember one time when I was a little bit older, you,me, and Nana went to Dairy Queen then to the park. I remember you and her went back and forth for so long about this plastic bag that was rolling across the ground. She thought it was a stray cat or something.

She's with you now. I'm sure you've missed her so much. I remember you used to visit her almost every day in her nursing home. It hurts me that she was probably alone (since your sister never really visited too often) when she died, but I'm okay because I know she won't suffer anymore. The last time I saw her was over a year ago, and even then she wasn't looking too good. There were many times when I wanted to go see her while I was in town, but I got busy and I got stuck in situations. I feel bad that I haven't really cried yet. I feel like there's something wrong with me for that...

I still need to see if I'll be able to make it to her funeral. I might be working... I need to go for now. I love you both.

---J