Ten of Me ✓

Eighteen

HANNAH

Noah's hand stayed on my cheek as he kissed me back, much more roughly than I'd originally intended, and I braced my hands against the brick steps as I tried to convince him that I was actually into it. Instead, my thoughts were racing and I wasn't at all focused on what he was doing.

The first thing I wanted to do was cry, even though I knew I couldn't as Hannah. I'd been struggling to prove to myself that Noah had loved me and had stayed loyal to me even when everything and everyone had gone against him. I'd forced myself to see the best in him, to distrust everyone else's opinions, and to blindly continue to reciprocate his affections. And it had all been for a dare. I didn't know how I could have been so blind: the texts and date with Kayla, the night he had spent with Erin, and now this. How had I not seen it before?

He didn't care about me--never had. I was just a game to him. A girl that he'd toy around with for a while, then push away, shattering her heart in a million pieces while he just smirked and looked on, already moving on to someone else. I was the person he played and used just to gain the approval of "the guys". I was nothing to him. I wasn't even worth his loyalty while we were a couple.

He was still kissing me, and it took me a few seconds to realize that I wasn't kissing him back. Heart hammering, I slowly pressed my hands against his chest and pushed him away from me. I knew I had to keep playing his game, at least for tonight, but I also knew that I couldn't sit here with him when I wanted to throw up just at the mere sight of him.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, moving his face only slightly away from me. He was breathing heavily, and the smell of mint was enough to make me want to curl up in a ball and start sobbing. I couldn't believe I'd fallen for his tricks and his lies, and made a fool of myself in front of everyone.

"You shouldn't be doing this," I said back as evenly as I could, my fists clenching and unclenching in my lap. My voice was stronger than I'd expected, and it gave me strength to push forward. "You have a girlfriend."

Noah's hand drew around the back of my neck and he pulled me close to him again, his lips resting on my forehead. "I know," he replied. "And I've told you I couldn't care less about her."

Hearing it again made my already shattered heart break again into another million fragments. I drew a shaky breath which rattled in my chest. "Then break up with her," I said coolly.

"You know I can't do that."

When I looked up at Noah I saw that he was smirking, one side of his mouth pulled up higher than the other. He actually looked amused--he was staring at me like I was some child who was making a big deal out of nothing.

"Why, Noah?" I asked harshly. His hand was still on my cheek, but it didn't seem warm anymore; instead, it felt sticky and like a dead weight. I was revolted by him, disgusted that I'd ever fallen for him. "Too afraid to lose your dignity?" I demanded, angling my face as far away from him as I could. "Don't want to seem weak?"

He ran his hands through my blonde hair, lightly tugging at it. "Don't you understand, Hannah?" he asked. He still had that awful smirk plastered onto his features. It made me want to scream and punch him and sob, all at the same time. "Won't you wait for me?"

That was when I shoved him hard in the chest, and even though my push didn't move him, it got the message across. He slid his arms out from around me and went back to crossing his hands in his lap, suddenly more reserved.

"I will not wait for you," I hissed. "You don't care about me any more than you care about your girlfriend. Just watch: you'll move on to someone else tomorrow. Maybe even tonight. I saw you kissing that girl out in the backyard, you know I did. Who was she, then?"