Only Fools (Camila/You)

Bad Things

I fluttered my eyes open, feeling a heavy weight on my body preventing me to move. I moved my head to the side trying to get the strands of hair from my mouth seeing as my wrists were trapped against my chest under Camila's tight hold.

All at once the events of last night flooded my memory. I sighed and let my head fall back against the hard wood floor.

I felt incredibly terrible. My head began to pound as I pondered things to make this right.

Surely when Camila woke she'd want an explanation, but I'm not sure if the one I'll give her will be enough. The constant fear of Camila leaving me sits at the forefront of my thoughts.

It's been so much harder lately. Lauren's been making it so tough not to go numb. It's really important I be the bigger person for Camila.

She's been looking super tired lately and I can't help but think it's because she has to constantly worry about me on top of everything else going on.

Roger has her scheduled to tee and she barely gets any breaks. When she does have breaks, she's either getting in between Lauren and I or getting in between me and my drug addiction.

Anyways, because of her manager, Camila missing the meeting last night was highly unlikely, but something still managed to come up.

That's another thing I've been stressed about; Camila leaving the group.

I'll love and support my girlfriend in any direction she decides to make, but we've been in this together since the beginning.

It's super scary thinking I'd have to do it alone. Thinking she'd have to do it alone.

We're both in terrible places, and the tension in the group isn't helping. It isn't helping one bit actually. All any of us have ever known is fame, but its fame with each other.

As the crowd chants our lyrics back, we're able to look over and be lucky enough to share that special moment with someone.

I just can't see it being any other way.

I don't know what, other than the money, is so appealing about a solo career.

"Y'know, your thoughts are so loud I can practically hear them from here." Camila said shaking me from my trance. "Do you want talk about last night?" She asked with a raised eyebrow, letting go of my wrists.

I simply nodded and she got off of my body, helping me back onto my feet.

"I was watching you for like 10 minutes before you noticed I was awake. What's on your mind, Nena?" She asked as she crossed her legs in front of me, us now sitting face to face on my bed.

"You. Always." She stayed silent so I continued. "I'm sorry about last night. I feel so weak and like a coward."

"What even happened? What broke you, Y/n? You've been so good."

It's stupid and I know it's gonna sound that way when I say it out loud. I let Lauren shove me around and play with me like a cat with a mouse. I'm pathetic for letting her break me so easily.

"Why didn't you show for therapy?" She lowered her head and took a breath.

"I was negotiating things with LA. I wrote something and thought it had potential."

"Oh," I licked my lips, suddenly feeling subconscious about everything. "What's it about?"

"Everything I write is about you."

"Can I read it?"

"I don't think it's... appropriate right now." I nodded, not having the energy to argue.