What We Did to Summer

Megan.

"I'm scared Tracey I don't want them to take away my mom's certificate" she said amidst her sobs "the tools were from her clinic remember, I'm so scared".

"Its not our fault, she was too weak to fight death. We just played our roles in it and as much as it hurts me, it hurts other people" I kept silent "besides you did everything well she gave up on her own"

She stopped rocking and slowly kept quiet then she held my hand and blinked her eyes a few times before she spoke her voice soar from frying but still not looking at my eyes " I made a mistake".

I frowned at her "what do you mean?"

She looked up at me "I made a mistake during the procedures" she swallowed before looking at me with her smeared mascara then went agitated "I promise you Tracey I really didn't mean to make a mistake, I was sure I carried out all the instructions well and and and and-"

"Breathe Megan .. breathe ok relax." I tried to calm her down so she won't have a panic attack in the middle if the school's crisis and slowly she relaxed before she talked.

"When I found out she was pregnant, I felt ashamed of her. I thought she was.. I thought she was you know decent and all those things everyone called. I felt irritated by the fact that she wasn't as good as they claimed she was so when she came to me to help her abort the baby I agreed without knowing how to go about it".

She paused

"Then I told my mom that we had a project on stopping the growth of abortions amongst and she gave me some tools for a supposed class presentation. I watched online how to do it but when i got there that night and put her in position... I freaked out. I used the wrong tool and hit another part of her organ out. It wasn't a part of the baby and I don't know she moved, it wasn't supposed to cause her that much pain and you looked at me so I thought you knew but you didn't say anything".

Her story gave me flashbacks of the night we were all with Summer. She had agreed to abort the baby but she wanted a safe way other than the abortion pills. I didn't argue with her about it and surprisingly no one else did. Megan had agreed to use some tools from her mom's clinic for it while Ryan suggested we do it in his van. Summer and I just kept quiet and I wanted to tell her to not do it but I couldn't. I also wanted the baby gone.

But. I didn't want to end her life. I didn't know she would die that night and I was sure Megan did it correctly but when summer wailed that night and looked into my eyes I wanted to make Megan stop so I looked at Megan and I saw her bring pieces of flesh out of summer with this tool she called a forcep. I looked away from her as I remebered how much flesh she brought out that night.

"The cannula took more than what should have taken and I was lost and I ..I... I ..." she started trembling again but I brought her closer to me as she wept "I couldn't beat the fact that I had done the wrong thing instead I just let it go like that.. like it was nothing"

She kept weeping and I witnessed how a strong goth girl became a weak and vulnerable scaredy cat. I saw her fragility and could imagine how she had suffered and carried the burden of making a mistake that she thought killed summer. It was a machine malfunction and not completely her fault but she had suffered too much.

"Lets just tell them Megan, we have suffered a lot.. we'll tell the others and forget about it ..face everyone and I don't know but it will be for the best"

"I don't think i can Tracey " she cleaned her tears and say up " but ..but if you stay with me and promise you will be with through it all even when it's at the verge of death..I'll do it..I will tell everyone that I killed Summer and her baby"

"What?!" A masculine voice exclaimed from behind me as we turned around to see him" you killed Summer?"