A New Beginning

Chapter 19

Orion -

It's been a couple of days since my angel gave me such an amazing gift in bed that morning. I want more but I have to restrain myself. I can tell he wants to avoid me but his need to know of my well-being at all times keeps him nearby.

Somehow I have managed to mislead him into thinking that I just cannot sleep without him in bed by my side each night and since the doctors are always preaching about rest being the best medicine, Shiloh takes it to heart.

I can't understand why he's being like this. I feel as though he is hiding something from me and it scares me. As I get to know my husband more and more each day, I find that this gentle, caring, loving and beautiful individual is absolutely unreal.

It blows my mind at just how lucky I am to have him and yet, I'm not sure if he's truly mine or not. I won't sit here and ponder it much longer so I've decided to broach the subject with him today. It's been half a year since the accident that I still can't seem to remember and if this life is going to be my new reality, I want it with Shiloh and I need to know that he's all in.

I'm currently out on the back patio overlooking the sprawling estate that my husband will inherit someday. Again his wealth is overwhelming but after speaking with his grandmother's legal team and my financial advisers, it turns out I am independently wealthy as well.

That's good to hear because I didn't like the idea of my angel as my sugar daddy or worse, me as a trophy husband. I still can't believe that I was not some kind of artist in this other life, that I was a business mogul.

Drawing helps center my thoughts when they overtake me. Drawing gives me a focus in order to hone in on my sanity. Drawing gives me peace when I am able to imagine my love and bring him to life on the page. It baffles the mind and the doctors as well.

Shiloh tells me I'm so different now. It's almost like I have a different personality. Some mannerisms are still the same but I am significantly changed from this accident. I have found that I just need to accept these things and that as long as I have Shiloh there by my side, deep down I know it will all be okay.

I feel him come up behind me so before he can try to disappear I turn towards him and say, "Hey, come sit down with me. I'd need to talk to you." He hesitantly comes closer and gently sits down on the chair right next to me. He looks at me and says, "What would you like to talk about?"

"I'm not sure where to begin? Shiloh, we've not talked about what happened the other morning and I'm not sure why, but somehow I feel like you regret it." He takes one of my hands in his and looks me in the eyes and says, "No, no I don't regret it. Never, I could never regret anything with you now."

"What do you mean by now? What's going on Shiloh? I feel like you're holding something back and since you seem so overprotective of me right now I don't know what to think?" He looks down at our hands for a long enough moment for me to realize that he is crying. His tear drops are falling on our joined hands.

I take my free hand and bring it up to his chin and guide his gaze back up to mine and my angel looks so unhappy. I can't have this. I feel awful. It hurts my heart to see him in pain. I wipe the side of his face and say, "What's wrong? Please, tell me what is wrong? You mean so much to me and I can't stand your face not having a smile on it.  Seeing you sad is like suffering through a dismal rainy day."

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens his eyes, the look of pure love gazing back at me fills me with hope. "Ori, there is one very important piece of your past that you've not been informed of. I need you to first understand that I wanted to wait until you were well enough to even have this conversation with you. All I ask is that you listen and any questions you may have, please keep them until the end." "Okay!" I respond.

"I know that it's been over five months since your accident but what you don't know is that we were apart for about a month before that time." I want to ask why but I stay quiet so he may continue. "Before I continue, I need you to know that I have always loved from the moment I first laid eyes on you so long ago. My love has never wavered, even now; I love you so much that it hurts to breathe just thinking of you not ever being in my life."

"Orion, you are my first, well, everything. You are the only person I have ever been with and this is why this next part is so hard to say." His tears begin to fall again and I can't help myself. I gather him into my arms and hold onto to him letting him know that my heart, my soul is his. Somewhere inside of me I've always known that.

I have managed to put him on my lap and now I am attempting to dry his tears with my fingers. "I'm okay. That month that we were apart I believe is a direct result of your accident." I give him an inquisitive look. He brings one of his hands up to my cheek and just runs his thumb back and forth gently effectively keeping me mellow.

"Just know before I continue that I have forgiven you or we would not be here now." My brow is now furrowed with concern. "I went to the doctors that month because I just wasn't feeling myself. Imagine my surprise when we discovered I had contracted an STD. I may have gone temporarily insane after that as I waited three days for you to leave on some trip you had planned with a couple of your friends and took my things from our home , left you a note, keys and my wedding band and left."

I gasped in shock. It can't be true. I couldn't do that could I? I mean he is it for me. That has always been the one constant since I woke up from the coma. Again I feel him caress me as he shhes me into silence. "I needed some time to get away and think more clearly but I cut you off. I went to a place you never knew existed. Using funds that Gran set up for me if ever there were a need, you could not trace my whereabouts. You left messages on my cellphone that I never heard because not only did I disconnect that number, but I destroyed the phone as well."

"I went on a depressive drunken bout that lasted about two weeks before my Gran got to me and pretty much kept me from killing myself. Eventually we returned here only to discover that not only had you died a couple of times but that you were still near death."

"The only thing I can figure is that you must have started drinking the moment you realized I was gone. Not having anyone to turn to must have led you down a very dangerous path that put you in the hospital. Up until the moment that I laid eyes on you in that hospital bed, the pain enveloped every part of my being. Once I saw the state you were in, the reality of almost losing you permanently superseded any other emotion I was feeling and in that moment I realized that I could never be apart from you."

"Oh God I'm so sorry Shiloh." "Why? You had no clue and honestly I'm okay now." "How can you be? I was unfaithful. I can't even perceive the notion, the idea of doing something like that to you. I love you baby. You're the only thing that's kept me going through this whole ordeal."

Until he started trying to wipe my tears away, I hadn't realized that I was crying too. The concept of my betrayal leads me to believe that I deserved my present fate but I know that my angel would never agree.

Once we both calm down some, I ask the question plaguing my mind. "Is this the reason why you've been hesitant towards me?" "Yes, I felt I was being deceitful by withholding this information and honestly, I was afraid you'd be able to see my deception in my eyes. You've always told me that the saying, the eyes are the windows to the soul, was about me."

We both start laughing and it feels cathartic. "What do you want to happen now? I will do whatever you ask of me?" "I know Ori. That has never changed. You are my husband and that is not changing either." He responds as he giggles and that is a sound I do recognize from somewhere deep within my heart and love so much. It's how I've always known he is at his happiest.

"Well, you said we have our own home?" "Yes, a condo in the city." "Can we plan a trip there? Maybe being there will jog my noggin." He seems a bit apprehensive so I ask, "What's wrong?" "Nothing really, it's just that I've not been back there for over six months now." "Well I've been away for almost that long so we can go back when you are ready." "Okay, I'll think on it and let you know."

I look at my amazing husband and give him a gentle kiss on the lips and smile at him hoping that he sees my love for him shining in my eyes.