A New Beginning

Chapter 23

Orion –

After discovering the massive amount of trash and the damage I left behind in the guest bedroom and its adjoining bathroom, we head over to our bedroom and find the biggest surprise of them all. We open the door to our bedroom and several things happen at once.

Walking in we find it immaculate, clean, neat and it was eerie to look at. Later on Shiloh explains that it was exactly how he left it when he took off before I returned from my weekend trip. There are pictures of Shiloh scattered everywhere like a shrine. It is a devastating sight. This room tells the story of a man so desperate and emotionally distraught it is almost heart breaking.

As I continue to look around I am suddenly hit with this image but it's so blurry that I can't hold onto it and my head starts to pound badly. I feel Shiloh come up to me quickly as he leads me to the bed and sits me down on the edge of it. He runs into the adjoining bathroom and come back out quickly with a glass of what must be water from the sink.

He hands me the glass and demands I take a sip as I see the worry over my state reflective in his eyes. "What happened?" "I look down at the floor and after a brief moment to gather myself I say, "I'm not sure. I think an image, maybe a memory, tried to form in my mind but I guess that as I tried to focus on it just caused my head to hurt something awful."

"Are you okay now?" he asks with an uneasy tone filling his voice so I put the glass down on the floor and pull my angel towards me. He then falls into my lap facing me as he begins to run his hands on what little hair I have on my head.  In an effort to make my tests easier, I've kept it pretty short.  I look into those amazing eyes of his and say,  "I am now baby."

He looks me in the face scanning it, just studying me and runs his fingers over my whole face and my body instantly goes all tingly and calm at the same time. He has a concerned almost fearful look on his face but before he can even ask I say, "No. I don't remember anything love. Nothing at all. There was something there but before I could really focus on the image it was gone."

"Well, I don't know what to think or how to feel about our bedroom being in this state." He says while looking around the shrine my other personality erected in his honor.  I take his chin in my hand and gently bring his gaze inline with my own and say with conviction,  "It tells me that no matter what I did, I never stopped loving you. That the concept of you not being here in my life in any capacity just well, it just about destroyed me."

A tear starts to slowly fall down his cheek and I quickly swipe it away as I say, "Stop. I can already tell you're feeling bad but angel you have to understand that even if I'm not him anymore, I am the man who broke us with his betrayal and I don't deserve your kindness, your forgiveness, your love. In the end, I did betray you. I did betray us!  Even if I am a different man now since the accident, it's still all on me!"

"You know what? No more.  No more of this maudlin shit!  From here on out we start fresh and clean much like this room. I want to let go the worry of the past and I will stop worrying about the past you. It's me and you babe.  That's it." I look into his radiant green eyes and absorb the love I see shining back at me.

I am so damn lucky and let me tell you, maybe my other self found out too late what an angel he had in his grasp but I know exactly what I have in my arms. How I managed to have a man like him so tender, thoughtful, and warmhearted is beyond my scope of reasoning. That he can be so forgiving is nothing short of a miracle and after spending these past few months getting to know each other, if I ever ran into my old self, I would smack the shit out of him. He almost made me lose the best thing in the whole world.

I decide to take a page out of his book and try to put this dark past behind me as I give my baby a kiss and say, "Are we done here?" He looks around again thoughtfully and says, "For now yes. I will have a cleaning service here within the next day or so to get all the trash  and disgusting food cleared out. Then we can go through everything and see what you might want to keep if anything."

"So we want to have the condo up on the market soon yes?" "Yes. I want to be rid of this part of our past and start anew somewhere else of our choosing." "Maybe we should start looking into what both of us might be interested in but please, not another condo."

"You don't like it?" I take another look around and say, "It's not homey. I want a home with you. Big house, lots of land and maybe one day some kids." "Really?" He says in disbelief. "Yeah, why?" "Because you picked this condo out the moment you saw it. You said it was perfect for just the two of us. Children was not something we ever really discussed."

"Is that an idea that appeals to you?" I ask a bit hesitantly. He looks thoughtful for a moment and then the most heart-stirring smile breaks out on his face as he responds, "I could get behind that idea!"