Letters To Nate | ✓

1| adefecerunt animos

mixed emotions - latin (adefecerunt animos)
-mixed feelings or emotion make you not certain how you feel about someone or something.
[taken from: macmillan dictionary©]

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"This isn't the right way to move on Rhea" Anna Kennedy,Rhea's best friend sighed, rubbing Rhea on her back. Her best friend hasn't been the same ever since Nate passed away and it broke her to see Rhea this way.

Rhea sniffed, trying to wipe away the tears that wouldn't stop falling "I know" she croaked "But I miss him so much!" She burst into another round of tears. Anna sighed and wrapped her arms around Rhea tightly, softly running her fingers through her matty hair

"I know you do" Anna murmured softly, continuing the motion with her fingers "But this isn't what Nate would have wanted. He wouldn't want you to cry at the mere mention of his name. This isn't what he wanted from you Rhea"

Rhea said nothing, just quietly sobbing in her bestfriends arms, feeling shattered beyond belief. Even though she appreciated her best friend's comfort, she would have much rather have Nate's arms around her instead. But she wouldn't feel his arms anymore. Never again, because he was dead and buried six feet beneath her right now.

Eventually her sobs quieted down to sniffles and soon Rhea was fast asleep in Anna's arms. She gently put her best friend's inside her duvet covers, and removed a sweaty strand from her forehead, sighing sadly at Rhea's serene look. It wasn't often, she sees this look on her face. Since Nate's death, Rhea looked nothing but broken. Am empty shell of who she once was.

She leaned down to cast a kiss on her cheek and left Rhea's room

A few hours past before Rhea woke up from a dreamless sleep but it didn't take long for Rhea to remember that she fell asleep crying. She looked around her room and it was filled with so much memories from her and Nate that she wanted to tear it down because it was haunting her, but at the same time she didn't want to remove the images because it let her believe even if its just for a while, that Nate was still alive and still with her.

After looking at the pictures with tears streaming down her face like a waterfall she decided to take her journal and write in it.

Dear Nate

It hurts. It hurts so bad. Why would you do this to me Nate?

You said that you would never hurt me and here you are, doing the exact same thing you said you wouldn't do to me, and funny thing is, you're hurting me and you're not even here!

You were supposed to be my soulmate, my other half, the one person I wouldn't live without. But you're not Nate. You're not. Because you're six feet underground! Right under my feet! Funny how fate works isn't it? Hilarious actually! One moment we were discussing our future together and the next poof! You're gone! And I hate you for that! I hate you for leaving me alone here to fend for myself on this jacked up planet. I hate you!

But I still can't help but love you all the more. I love you everytime you'd cheer me up when I'm down, I love you everytime you saw me in bednest for hair, wrinkly clothes and bad breath and still call me beautiful. I love you everytime you'd give me that smile that's reserved just for me. I love you everytime you'd tease me non stop until I was red in the face. I love you for loving me.

I am so messed up right now Nate. I have so many emotions within me bubbling up but they refuse to leave my body because I'm just that numb. I hate you, I love you, I miss you. I miss you Nate, so so much. Please, it hurts missing you this much, come back to me and make it better.

After all that's what you told me Nate.

You said that if I'm hurt, I must just call you and you'll kiss it better, and that's exactly what I'm doing right now, I'm hurt and I want you to come kiss it better.

Please Nate. Come back to me. I want you. I need you.

Yours Faithfully,
Your girlfriend,
Rhea.