The World Without Hope

Darkness

My eyes opened. I touched my skin. I felt the tiny protrusions all over it. My skin was always cold. Maybe it was because of my cold heart. Growing up where I did, it was normal to have one. Normal to feel no pain when a loved one died. Not being able to feel anything when someone finally and unutterably confessed their true love for you. Not even being able to smile when you hear something funny. There was nothing funny in this world. All that there was was either gray and lifeless or meaningless and uncompassionate.

Yes, this is the world I grew up it. The world where the sun only shined when the big puffs of smog in the sky moved out of its path. A world where crime and misery lay steps away from a person’s front door. That was just the world I lived in. It was part of the four dimensions in the universe. The dimensions were ranked by level. At the bottom was Malofic, the nightmare I lived in. Then there was Mesofic and Artisofic. The were the middle dimensions. They weren't as poor as Molfic. They didn't suffer as much. Then at the highest point was Benofic.

Benofic was where the dreamers went. The CEOs. The people who were destined to be a “somebody”. It was that or they were extremely wealthy. Yes, to travel from each dimension you have to have money for some service to transport you. As you can see, that is why people from Malofic don’t make it anywhere near Benofic. We’re just poor souls that will forever rot in the depths of hell that is Malofic.

As I sat up on the hard sheet of metal I called my bed, I looked around my room still half asleep. My room was miniscule. The walls were sordid and the floor was not any sort of tile or carpet but the land itself. I put my bare feet on the ground and stretched out my back and arms. I threw my head up to look at the ceiling and saw the water stains that had been left from the storm the night before. Oh how I wish the ceiling could just collapse. How it would fall on top of my body and crush me like a boulder crushing anything in its path. I wanted my life to end. I want the suffering to end. Don't judge me. My thoughts are my own. I can still have my own feelings.

I got on my two feet and began to walk to my door. I opened it and peered out into the living room. I quietly and expeditiously made my way into the kitchen. Confusion swept over my body. Where were they? Let me catch you up on a couple of details. My name is Emeli. I have two sibling; Deni and Liam. They’re my older brothers. They’re usually up by the time I wake. Maybe they took Kount out for a walk. Kount is our dog. He was a stray until I found him on the streets one night. He’s a small little pudgy pug. Sometimes after dinner, I give him some of my scraps to eat. When I do that he runs in circles and tries to hug my leg. Kount is such a grateful dog.

I walked into Deni’s room. No one. Then I went into Liam’s. Still no one. In desperation, I called for Kount. If he was here, he’d be here next to me already. I still did it anyway.  No barking. No sounds of footsteps. Nothing. I still kept optimistic. They probably went for a walk.

I paced around my livingroom for a couple of minutes. Like I said before , Malofic is a cruel world. Deni and Liam could have been taken. They could have been killed. Anything could have happened to them and there was no way for me to find out. Hopefully it’s just a walk. Hopefully they’ll come home. Hopefully they’re not dead.

I kept pacing around. I was anxious. After a while, I forgot. I had to. They didn’t come home. It was three-thirty by the time I heard someone at the door.

I stood in front of the door as the it’s handle turned. When the door opened, Kount jumped up at me. I looked at Deni and Liam as they entered. My arms were crossed and my eyes pierced in their faces.

“Where the hell have you two been?” I shooed Kount off of me.

Liam smiled,“We went for a walk.” He said it like it was no big deal. Like the world we lived in was no big deal.

“Well, you didn’t have to bring Kount. He’s better off without you two and your mischievous ways.” I picked up Kount and began to walk to my room.

“I’m sorry that we don’t stay in the house all day like you do.” I stopped and turned around. This time it was Deni who spoke up.

“You know exactly why I stay in the house,” My voice was getting irritated. Deni and Liam looked at each other and back at me.

They realized what I was talking about, “You shouldn’t blame yourself for that Emeli.” Deni came closer, “This world might seem big and scary but you shouldn’t be afraid.” I was outraged. Without saying another word, I started for my bedroom door again. How dare they tell me not to be afraid! The whole goddamn dimension was a terrible place. It was filled with creeps, thieves and other direful things.

I stayed inside the house not because of fear but because of what had happened to the people I loved in the past. The house I lived in was my protection.  Every time I left my house someone I loved died. It started with my parents and then my younger brother, Jelan. Maybe if I had been a little more careful or not as nosey they'd still be here with us. They had all been killed in my presence. I watched as they died and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I was as useless as the shoes I had in my closet.

I put Kount down on the floor. He ran to his bed that was just a pile of leaves and dried mud. I took a seat on the edge of my bed and slid my hand under my pillow. I shuffled through the sheet and the feathers until I found what I had been searching for. I fingered the stained top right hand corner of the squared paper. It was a photograph of two beautiful human beings. I smiled as I memorized their faces. Their meaningful smiles. The ugly hawaiian shirt the man had been wearing and the slender figure of the woman. They were my parents. The people who had protected me. The people who guided me. The people who died for me.