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Chapter 37

Chapter 37

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Recap: Peeta strokes my hair again and holds me close. "Katniss," He whispers quietly and I assume that he thinks I'm falling asleep. "Mhmm," I say to let him know that I'm listening. "Do you want kids?" he asks as my eyes shoot open.

"Kids?" I blurt out. I can barely take care of myself, and kids? What would they do when they hear the screams in the middle of the night? And of course the two main fears that haunts me: Would they be ripped away, as so many of my loves ones have? And how could I possibly tell them about the Games, and even more how both of their parents played such an immense role in them?

"I-I-don't think-no I don't know," I tell Peeta "I'm definitely not prepared for that." I glance down at my hands that rest in my lap, almost embarrassed that I don't want what he clearly does.

I hear Peeta sigh slightly and continue to stroke me hair. "Okay," he simply says.

"I'm sorry," I tell him before returning my gaze to his blue eyes "But you would be an amazing father." He smiles a little and kisses my temple, "And you would be an even better mother."

I can't see how I would be a good mother. Waking them every night with screams, flailing until Peeta calms me down. The days that I spend mourning over Prim and everyone else that I couldn't save. How could they ever understand? And when they did learn about the Hunger Games, I wouldn't be strong enough to tell them the details without breaking down completely as I do most times.

"You look tired," Peeta says, snapping me out of my trance and breaking the silence that has fallen over the room. I nod my head slowly and I start to tell him that I'm going to go up to bed when he lifts me up into his arms. I laugh a little and snuggle into Peeta's shirt, breathing in the his faint scent of cinnamon.

When we reach the bedroom that Peeta and I share, he sets me down at the end of the bed. Reaching for my pajamas, I yawn before pulling my shirt over my head and Peeta does the same to his. I slide the new shirt over my head and then do the same to my shorts. Crawling towards the pillows, Peeta comes and lays in bed as well. When we're both under the blankets, he pulls them over both of our heads so that it's as if the two of us are the only thing in the world.

A smile is on my face and Peeta's mirrors the same. I kiss his lips lightly and close my eyes but don't pull away. The kiss isn't like one of our crazy ones that can go on forever with the hunger for more spreading everywhere. This kiss is softer, and when we each pull away after about ten seconds, Peeta wraps his arm around me to pull me in tightly to his chest. I crane my neck up to rest my chin onto his upper chest, staring deeply into each others' eyes.

"Good night," I whisper with my weary eyes drooping. Peeta places a small kiss on my forehead before replying, "Good night, Katniss. I love you."

I smile and close my eyes, snuggling into him and reply "I love you too," before I quickly slip away from the world.

The dress is stunning, but it isn't the dress I had tried on earlier today. This is the dress I had worn the day of the Quell interviews. However, there are a few unwanted touches; dirt, leaves, and blood on the skirt. Glancing around, I realize that I'm running through the woods with my bow in hands. Peeta is ahead of me looking petrified. It isn't my Peeta though...it's hijacked Peeta. I try to get away, but I'm too late. He saw me. "Mutt!" he screams and starts to run towards me. I try to run, but my legs seen stiff and I finally realize that I have to do something so my legs begin to move. The fabric from my huge ball gown gets caught under my feet and I tumble to the ground. The last thing I see is Peeta hovering over me with cloudy eyes and his fist raised, ready to strike.

When I awake, paralyzed with terror, I'm not thrashing around like usual. Instead I'm frozen with my hand over my chest which rises and falls rapidly with each heavy breath I take. Tears stream down my face and a sobbing noise comes from my mouth.

Peeta hovers over me and I put my hands protectively over my face, waiting for the punch to reach me. But it doesn't come. Instead, my blurry eyes make out Peeta prying my hands from my face and clutching me tightly. Even in the darkness, I can see his clear blue eyes. They're not cloudy or filled with hatred. "Shh, Katniss. It's okay," he coos holding me tightly as the tears still fall down my cheeks. Somehow, he manages to calm me down and I finally can see without me vision blurred from tears. "I'm sorry," I manage to say, my voice dry and plain.

Peeta stares deep into my eyes and says sternly, "Don't be. It's okay." I nod my head slightly and he rocks me like a baby for another minute before laying back down, still tightly wrapped in his arms. I close my eyes briefly and sigh in relief that the nightmare is over. Not real. Not real.

"Do you need anything? Water, a-" Peeta starts to ask. "Yes," I tell him "I need you here with me." He lifts my chin so that our faces are at the same level and presses his lips on mine lightly. "Well you have that. I promise forever and always," he says. And I believe him.

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