Hey... It's Me

Chapter 11.

(TRIGGER WARNING)

I walked away from the mirror and over to my desk. There were pencils, eraser shavings, a sharpener, and paper on the desk. I picked up the sharpener and began to take it apart. Then I picked up the blade and dragged it across my wrist. Blood poured out. I stared at it, no emotion. I forgot what emotion felt like. This is my darkest hour. I dragged the blade two more times around the same area and then I was finally satisfied. I washed the blood off the razor and put the sharpener back together. The warm blood from my wrist dripped onto the desk. I cleaned everything up, put a bandage on my wrist, and got into bed.

What's the point in living?

*Thursday, Josh's perspective, prom is Saturday*

I'm done hiding. I'm going to find the right time and place to explain everything to Tyler. He deserves to know.

Why did I do this to him?

I blamed myself completely. I still haven't talked to Will, Jake, Theresa, and Ellie yet but they weren't as important as Tyler. Not now anyways. I had so many things going on, in school and at home. 

Who am I? I'm not a good person I know that much about who I am. Is that all I know about myself? 

I got out of bed and the first thing I saw was the flyer for prom. I had an idea. I put on clothes and began to walk to Tyler's house.

*Tyler's perspective*

Ellie was making my stomach turn. I had butterflies. It wasn't because of love though, I didn't love her and I was certain of that. She may love me but we can still just be friends. I was suffocating in so many things. Tears and emotions seemed to blend together. I cried almost every night. My life was so messed up, there are things in my head that I don't talk about. I often find myself craving death. Other times, wanting life. I was confused. I was drowning.

Then I heard a knock at my door but I was reluctant to get up from the couch and answer it. I got up anyways. I looked through the tiny hole at the top of the door, it was Josh. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hey." He said.

"Hi."

"Can I come inside?"

"Uh, sure."

Gonna beat me again?

"I guess I owe you an apology." He said

"And an explanation." I said.

"Yea. Listen, I'm sorry for that. I'd give anything to take it back."

"But you did it anyways."

"Tyler, I'm terribly sorry. Please forgive me. I wasn't thinking. If I was, I would've never put a finger on you."

"Josh you know that I have trust issues. Why did you do this?"

"I was wrong. I did it to protect my reputation."

"So the way you look is more important than my well being?"

"No. I know that now."

He dropped his head.

"Please forgive me."

"How could I know you're not lying." 

"Tyler I will do anything just please."

"Why do you need this so much?"

"Because you're my best friend!" 

It went silent.

"Josh?" I asked.

He kissed me. I kissed back. This wasn't like the kiss I had with Ellie. 

"I need to tell you something too." I said. "Ellie kissed me."

"You going to prom with her?"

"No." I replied.

Then both of our phones got a text. We took them out. Mine was from Ellie, his was from Jake. Both said relatively the same thing.

"ROSE IS HURT! COME TO THE HOSPITAL! NOW!"

We ran as fast as we could out the door. I locked it and took my keys. It'd help if I had a car but unfortunately I didn't so I got on my bike and I let Josh take my second bike. It's quicker than walking.