Is It Really Life...

Chapter 4#

***ARMADELLE'S POV***

Last night, I went back home to find Nick had gone out, so I just slept on the sofa. He's still not home, so I reckon I was too nasty to him, but he pushed me too far yesterday.

I don't mean to be nasty, as that's not usually me, but Nick just doesn't understand. Of course I was going to be upset over Nathan's release but what Nick doesn't understand is that I need care, and Nick wasn't giving that. I don't even know whether we are dating or not now though, or even if we are still engaged. We've been engaged for 6 months, but I said I wanted to wait till I was 18 to get married anyway, which is only another year off, so once I'm 18, then we can start planning, yet at this moment in time it looks like we won't be getting married. I hear the front door open and then close so I sit on the sofa, still.

"Armadelle darling!"Aunt Dawn says to me.

"Hi Dawn! Glad you're home!"I reply.

"Me too sweetie. How are things?"Dawn asks.

"Okay I guess. Nathan's been released."I say casually.

"You mean Nathan as in Harlow?"

"Yes."I say.

"Have you seen him yet?"Dawn asks me, clearly worried.

"No. I don't think he'd risk coming back to Long Beach, it's too risky."I lie. I feel terrible for lying but ah well, I've got to do it.

"Just keep an eye out for him, I'd hate to lose you again, and honestly Armadelle, I don't think he would come back anyway, like you say."

"I'll keep an eye out, have you seen Nick anywhere as well?"

"No, have you had a falling out?"

"Yes we did. He tried telling me to calm down when I found about Nathan, he was so patronising!"I tell her.

"He'll be back soon enough. Don't worry yourself about it. Aren't you needing to go to your session soon?"Dawn asks.

"Yeah, I do. It's drug counselling today."I reply.

"I hope it's helping."

"Yeah it is. I don't get cravings anymore."

"That's good. Well, I'm gonna head to bed, I'll let Nick know you've gone to your session."Dawn says, going upstairs. I follow closely behind so I can go and get changed. I open up my wardrobe and find a white skirt, and pair it with a white cami before putting on my converse and putting on a pair of sunglasses. I close my bedroom door, picking up my phone and walking out of the door.

I take my normal route to the hospital, and unlike yesterday there is no sign of that terrible Carmel. I wish that one day she'd leave me alone. That's another reason why I liked Nathan so much. He made me feel as if there was a purpsose to my life, as if maybe someone could love me. And yes I did love Nathan. I still do. And I know it's wrong for me to still love him even after everything he did, but no one is that good at acting as he was. It's harder than people think to act love, and for some parts of it, I don't think he was acting. When we had sex, it was the best. So loving. No wonder I wanted more.

I still wonder what brought Nathan to start grooming girls in the first place. No kid says to their parents that they want to be a criminal and groom girls. And especially how both sons grew up to be sexual groomers. I think that Nathan was having problems and that's why he turned to it, no wonder he likes it, it brings him money and he gets sex.

I actually miss being with Nathan, and I just wish maybe I could see him again, just the once and see how he is. If he's anything like me, then he's sure to be broken, and no one should be like that. With all the thinking, I don't even realise that I've arrived at the hospital. I go in, and then get sent to the correct room, which is where my drug session will take place. The doctor, Dr Orla, is probably one of my favourite doctors. She's around early 30's and is super kind. She reminds me of my mum in some ways.