The Boyfriend Project | Sulay (1)

Seventeen

Yixing woke up to a note.

Yixing,

Sorry, couldn't sleep. Had to go see Jongin. I didn't want to wake you up because it was so early.

Love,
Junmyeon

"What the hell?" Yixing stood up and stretched. He wasn't going to even bother showering and getting dressed after taking his medicine. He just wanted to go home.

The front door was opened too harshly and the coat rack tipped over, everything scattered out of Junmyeon's backpack, "Calm down, Yixing," He told himself. He sighed and began to pick up everything. Something that fell by the wall interested him, "Is this a journal?" Yixing told himself not to read it, but he did anyway. Mostly because he wanted to know how Junmyeon felt about him.

Why is it that I feel guilty when I tell Yixing I love him? It's not that I don't love him, but something's bothering me in the back of my mind.

Yixing's eyes were becoming blurry, he didn't understand.

I think I've figured it out, and I don't want to believe it, but I'm afraid maybe I still love Yifan. I can't help it, he was the first person I'd ever fallen in love with. I see him in Yixing too, I feel so bad, I know it's wrong to still think about him when I love Yixing. What's wrong with me?

"How could you?!" Yixing threw the book into the wall and then his fist. He'd never felt so betrayed and angry in his life. He left everything where it was, including the new hole in the wall. How could Junmyeon pretend the whole time? Did Yixing ever mean anything to him?

The cold outside made Yixing's tear-soaked face and blood-stained hand extra cold, but he didn't care. Nothing mattered to him but Junmyeon.

He remembered smiling at all of the Valentine's Day flyers when he sat on the steps with Junmyeon, but now he'd never felt so alone.

Yixing banged on the door of his own apartment, not knowing where he put his key.

"Yixing, what's the matter?" Yixing didn't answer, so Minseok pulled him into the apartment, "What'd you do to your hand?"

Yixing shrugged in response as Minseok ran his hand under the sink, "You've got to talk to me eventually."

"Nothing will come out but sobs," Yixing said quietly. Minseok had never heard his voice so quiet and pained, "He never loved me, Minseok, and maybe I deserved it because of how I was before. Maybe this is God telling me I fucked up."

"What do you mean?"

"He still loves Yifan and he always loved Yifan, he never loved me in the first place."

"Yixing, of course, he does."

"I read his journal, he said he still loves Yifan and I remind him of Yifan," Yixing clenched his fists, "I'M NOT YIFAN!" He put his other fist through a different wall.

"Yixing, please calm down," Minseok was actually kind of afraid of being near Yixing.

"I'm going home, Minseok."

"You are home."

"No, I mean home. With my mom and dad. I'm going home."