"I love you."
I know.
"I'm sorry."
I know.
"Good night."
Goodbye.
"Dazai."
It was three words, then two, then one. Then none.
There's was only so much I could succeed in doing in life.
Keeping you alive wasn't one of them.
I knew that when I prayed for time to halt. Praying to a being that has the inability to hear my desperation. It was clear to see.
The hue of the sky and the sea clashed together into a pool of blue that stretches beyond the limit of how luminous said colour could be. But your tears weren't blue.
How should I explain it? How can I put it into words just like you?
From a similar aspect, it was like a flawless canvas of cerulean beneath an artist's fingertips as they bled creativity with the hue I've loved so much.
I still love it, just as much and more.
When we thought that everything was perfect, the silver string our limbs were attached to move without consent. It only took one swift movement for the clear liquid pooling in the painter's palette to crash against the edge and shatter all over the painting like liquefied diamond.
We were left to panic, our hands attempting to undo the mistake before it ruins the masterpiece.
I was never late. That became a lie.
The more the water seeped through the canvas, the more it smears what was previously beneath it. When the sound of another minute has vibrated across this outer dimensional space,
There was no longer a light,
And the blue was no longer in sight.
Just like your eyes, they were devoid of the sky and the sea that held depths of promises. A hint of our future. Your eyes was the painting, your tears were the water.
They don't mix well together don't they? Happiness and us.
Then in the blink of an eye, I was kneeling on the floor with your vital fluid breaking through the barrier of protection you once rid me off. An ichor that pierces sharper than the edge of a serrated blade. When your body temperature dropped unforgivingly, your blood was the only warmth that I could hold onto when you were drifting away.
Where will you go?
Will it be a place better than here?
I hope so.
A place that he deserves, even if it's without me.
From afar, how lilliputian and feeble were we in the view of itinerant eyes if they were to pass us.
Was our love this ephemeral?
I had no tears to shed because they have already emanated the moment your figure left my vision, heading towards a future where neither of us would be at each other's side.
"Dazai..."
I couldn't. I can't. Not with his voice so tainted with the promise of death.
I can't bear it.
"You'll make it!"
A lie.
YOU ARE READING
No Longer Flawless (Odazai)
Fanfiction"I was drawn by an irreversible desire for death which blinded me to the point where death itself was the only reason that I believed has kept me breathing this far. But when you unraveled my only false sense of security, I was able to release the a...
