Vents : In A Book.

Entry sixty

I'm trying physically methods to help my mental ones.
It's all I can do.
It's all I have left.
I have my pills now...
They're very low doses of hormones
It's only supposed to kick start it
It doesn't protect against anything cause is such a low dosage
But as I started my first one last night, I watched her lay there watching tv and I wondered, she wouldn't notice if I took them all or even later.
But I scratched that off my mind
1) that's wrong and 2) there's no chance of them doing anything productive
The Advils and alcohol and etc have yet to do anything.
I'm doing aromatherapy now I guess
There was a semiannual sale today at the store
I love candles and fire
She knows
I asked to get one
She said yes
So I did
But I saw normal ones and then I saw the medical ones
I saw those
They have warning and crap on limited time use and crap
I won't listen
Instructions and Hispanic latinos don't mix well
I've never been one to listen to those
Never did it correctly anyways
I always fucked everything up like always.

I think too much
It hurts
Only medicine or alcohol works
Technically they're both drugs
So I guess only drugs help
I don't go crazy on them
Only a bit
I only take what I'm used too
Not necessarily the "perscribed" amount
I think too much

I write too much as I've noticed
It helps clear out the thinking
It wipes my list that I race around of all my thoughts
But it's a lot
I'm sorry strangers who read this
But now that I think about it... you don't mind much
You continue to read
Must have a reason
It may be a lot and I may lose most of you cause of it
It's fine
Wouldn't matter cause you're not a person in my life
You're not real
And I don't mean that rudely I care about everyone unless given a reason not to and I only don't care about a small amount of people
I can count them on my hands
I just
I know it's annoying that it's often
I'm sorry
I'm trying to fix myself
Maybe the hormones will work since they're a constant amount
But they may make it worse...
The doctors say that everything about me in every aspect is perfectly fine in a physical health sense.
No one know the extent of my mental health
Not even these writings
Hell I don't even know the complete extent
Im sorry
I know I'm annoying
I'll try to cut back I can handle a few extra thoughts running around

I'll either do that... or maybe keep writing but keep everything as a draft and only publish every so often

You'll be behind a lot though...
Doesn't matter
I don't know you so it doesn't matter
No one I know cares
It's ok

I'll decide later
I need a break
Everything hurts again now
I need to slow down
Bye.