Axis

august 12th

JUST FOR THE RECORD, it was Jasper's idea to camp out in a tent in our backyards tonight, not mine. Although secretly, and I would never admit this to Jasper, I'm happy we're doing it.

"There's no moon tonight, so there will be like a billion stars in the sky," is his reasonable explanation. "Plus, it'll be fun. No distractions, just me and my best friend, living the easy life. We can even make smores!"

It's nearly eleven at night, and by this point, both of our families have gone to bed, wishing us the best on our camping adventure and reminding us not to get bit up by mosquitos. We're currently posed around the mini campfire Jasper built in the sand, hands sticky with gooey marshmallow remnants and mouths stained with melted chocolate. I polish off the last bite of my smore and dust off my hands over the crackling fire.

"That," Jasper says pointedly, "was a fantastic idea. You're welcome."

I shake my head, unable to hide the smile that etches onto my face. "Okay, fine. Great thinking, O Wonderful Savior Jasper Reynolds."

He breathes a laugh and gets quiet for a moment, and then a thought plants itself in his head and he shoots forward. "I have another idea, and you're not gonna like it but it's always secretly been on my bucket list and it's probably secretly on yours too because it's secretly on everyone's bucket list, and I think we should do it."

"Do what?" I ask skeptically, already not liking where this is going.

"Skinny dipping!" he exclaims. Before I even have time to protest, he's already going on trying to sell it. "Listen, I know you're weird about that stuff, but I'll go in first and you can turn away when I go in, and I'll turn away when you get in. We don't have to see anything, because that's not the point of doing it; it's just the principle that we can say we've done it."

The normal kid in me kind of wants to do it, but the not-normal kid in me—the real me—just can't.

"Jasper, I'm sorry, but I can't do that," I say, staring down at the fire. That's a level of vulnerability that I am unwilling to attain. I can't do it. No way.

He comes around to where I'm sitting and rests a hand on my back, letting his fingers splay over the cotton fabric of my oversized T-shirt. "Hey," he says softly. I keep my eyes trained on the fire, refusing to look at him. Refusing to look the awkwardness I inadvertently placed on the situation in the eye. "I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, okay? But I just think you should try to do normal kid things to see that you're not as far off as you think. I think it would be fun, but if you don't, I will respect that. I just wish you weren't so self-conscious all the time. I'm not ever going to judge you, remember? It's just me, Lex. It's just Jasper."

I wish I could tell him that it's not his judgment I fear. Part of me wants to do this with him, it really does. But a bigger part of me shuts this idea down. It has to.

"You can, if you want," I say. "I'm gonna hang back."

He sighs. "Okay, fine. But you have to at least get in with me if I do this." I open my mouth to protest and he cuts me off. "I don't wanna swim alone, Lexi! Come on, this will be a fun adventurous thing for us to do together. Don't you wanna be adventurous?"

"I don't want to be wet and sticky when I go to bed," I counter.

He smiles deviously. "All the more reason to skinny dip with me! If you leave your clothes on the shore, you can dry off when you get out and they'll be dry too!"

Somehow, I find myself faltering already. About the swimming, not skinny dipping. This idiot can make any stupid idea sound alluring with enough convincing.