Axis

august 25th

SINCE I'VE TOLD JASPER the truth about my past, he's stayed insistently glued to my side. Truthfully, it's hard, knowing he now knows the secret and messy parts of my life I've worked so long to keep hidden away, but I am very grateful for his choosing to stay.

Right now, I'm sandwiched between Jasper and Willie as we watch our third Disney movie of the day, all cozied up in pajamas and blankets. Jasper's arm is loosely strung around my shoulders, but Willie is growing increasingly fidgety. I can tell his attention span is giving out.

"Why don't you go upstairs and play with your toys for a bit, buddy?" I ask, ruffling his curly blonde mop of hair.

"Okay, Leckthie!" he exclaims, sounding relieved. He pauses before he goes, looking unsure for a moment, and then timidly says, "I love you."

My heart does a happy dance. He rarely says that out loud to people. "I love you too, Willie Banilli," I tell him.

He quickly dashes away right afterward, looking slightly embarrassed, but I know in my heart that he meant it. And that means something to me.

"That was sweet," Jasper notes once Willie's gone upstairs.

I blush. "Yeah, it was."

He wrings his hands together, eyebrows creased like he has something to say but isn't sure he should say it. "Can I ask you something?" he finally blurts.

I shoot him a questioning look. "Yeah?"

He looks uncomfortable. "When you explained yesterday that it's hard for you to trust guys because of . . . what happened . . . What made you feel like you could trust me? Like, what was different about me?"

I smile. "Easy. You were always so kind and patient with me. When you tried to get me to open up and I pushed you away, you didn't push back. And—have you met yourself? You're the most genuine, caring human I know. Australia will be lucky to have you."

He rests his head on my shoulder, sandy brown hair tickling my neck. "Thank you, Lex. I just wish I could help you more."

I use the hand of the arm he's not leaning on to stroke his head soothingly. "You helped more than you think. You got me to talk to Aunt Colleen yesterday, and now she's not going to rest until I'm better."

I exhale a sigh as I mentally relay our conversation yesterday. Telling the truth to Aunt Colleen was no easy feat. It was sad, and awkward, and painful. There were tears.

And the biggest weight was lifted off of my shoulders afterward.

For so many years, I suppressed the truth from her because I thought it was protecting her. But in reality, it just added to her pain and confusion as to why I was so closed off. When the truth finally surfaced, she had something that would allow her to understand why I am the way I am: context. And now, she better knows what she can do to help me move forward.

I have an appointment to talk to a therapist in a week. At first, I felt bad about money, but Aunt Colleen said she wasn't taking no for an answer. Now that she knows exactly what it is that I need help overcoming, she'll see to it that I overcome it.

I really am thankful for my aunt.

"Can you promise me something?" Jasper asks, lifting his head from my shoulder to look me in the eye.

I don't hesitate. "Anything."

A gloomy expression shadows his face. "Promise you won't do anything to hurt yourself. And that you'll fully live your life when I'm gone. I don't want to be the reason you're not enjoying senior year, Lex."