In Between the Lines

Chapter 18: Sweet Pea

By some luck, when I'd passed Reed's locker, he was still there. Convincing him to come to Dez's house for dinner was about as easy as getting him to actually speak to me, but when I'd promised him that whatever Dez and I had to say would make things better between him and Olivia, I figured it would only be a matter of time before he cracked.

I was right—because Reed sent the text out to our group only half an hour later, asking Olivia and Alyssa how they'd feel about going. After a little back and forth, I'd managed to get all three to agree to come.

It was Ethan's day off, so it was Lukas who drove me. I knew he could sense my anxiety as soon as I got into the car, but unlike Ethan, he didn't ask what was going on. He'd never been one to start a conversation at all, really.

But that didn't mean Lukas didn't pay attention—that he didn't pick up on my hesitation about leaving the house yet again, or notice my unease every time it involved seeing my friends. I supposed that if anything, the silence made it that much easier for him to catch these things. There was nothing I could hide from either of my bodyguards. Nothing I could hide from anyone apparently, considering they all claimed I was as easy to read as a book. One with pictures, at that.

I cleared my throat, looking at Lukas's reflection in the rearview mirror from where I was seated behind him. "Thank you for driving my mom out the other day. I'm sorry you had to deal with her."

His eyes remained fixed on the road. "There's no need to apologize. It's my job."

Job or not, I knew the experience couldn't have been pleasant. "Was she nice to you?"

Lukas said nothing as he glanced at me from the mirror, but as usual I could gather nothing from his expression. Still, his silence said more than enough.

In truth, I had already known the answer to that question—but it didn't stop the useless, pathetic fraction of hope in me that maybe there was still something good left in her. Or at least something . . . that wasn't always so cruel. Something that she maybe didn't show in front of others.

I leaned my head back against the seat as I held in a sigh.

I tried to stay quiet for the rest of the ride. Asking about what she said or did wouldn't have made a difference. But the closer we got to Dez's house, the more I had to fight to sit still. When we were just less than a minute away, I couldn't help but speak again. "Lukas?"

Only silence came from the driver's seat, but another glance in the mirror indicated his attention.

It was an effort not to have my voice sound small as I asked a bit hesitantly, "Do you think I've been going out too much lately?"

There was a pause, and then—"Why do you ask?"

"I guess I've just been feeling . . . I don't know, selfish?" Was that the right word to describe what I was doing by agreeing to see my friends yet again?

Lukas's face said nothing. He said nothing. If there was judgment, he didn't let me see it. For a while I didn't think he would respond at all, but once we slowed to a stop across the street from a large, two-story home, he turned in his seat to face me.

"You truly want to know what I think?"

I swallowed. The small seed of unease in my gut grew slightly as I nodded.

Lukas pressed his lips together, and his bright brown eyes held mine as he answered straightly, "I think, Lyra, that you do not need the opinions of others in order to find an answer to your question. You only need to trust yourself. And I think," he added, still in that stoic manner of his—but this time with a bit of finality, "that you and I both know what a true example of being selfish looks like."