Right Here Waiting - The Untold Story of Smosh's Favourite Bromance

Part 3 - Sick Day

"I'm in love with the shape of...", Ian's phone buzzed on the bedside table, its vibration rattling the drawers and rudely waking him up. He groaned and flipped his head over in an attempt to muffle the ringtone, but such an effort proved to be futile. Still face down and without even looking at the screen, he snatched the phone and held it shaking to his head. "Yello, numbskull? Why are you calling so early in the morning? Normal people sleep, you know," Ian grumbled. 

For a moment all he could hear was the sound of someone blowing their nose over the phone. Then David's bizarrely-high pitched voice warbled over the phone, "I-Ian...?" Sneeze. "I-I'm a little sick today." Cough. "Could you please come...," Nose blow like a foghorn, "over and take care of Tyler?" Series of coughs, one louder and more strained than the next. "I can't blow germs all around him. Plus, Brina's away right now, and she..." Loud retching sound. "...won't be back until the evening." 

Whatever David had, it definitely sounded serious. "I'll be right over there," Ian replied, before hanging up and once again wrapping himself in blankets. Maybe just five minutes more, he thought.

...

When he finally decided to stared in disbelief at the tiny screen on his phone, and then in front at the cozy one-story house in front of him, its white window shades closed and the roof painted a soft woody brown. This was David's house? Since Ian and Pam had the biggest dining table, they had gathered their friends over at their house on multiple occasions, but not once had Ian gone over to David's. He had expected the front door to be decorated with some gaming memorabilia, or some bizarre splash of colour, but no. Ian felt that he should have expected this, David being a normal dad at all, but still, he couldn't picture David, the goofball, video-game obsessed, infinitely sarcastic David to live somewhere so...quaint.

He got out of his car and walked up to the front porch, glanced at his phone, and fumbled the lock before twisting it to open the steel lockbox which contained the spare key. "He really shouldn't leave the key outside for anybody to take...", Ian muttered under his breath to himself, "It's a wonder no one has broken into this house yet." He opened a door to one of the messiest hallways he'd ever seen: awkward stains across the floor, dirty piles of laundry and children's toys dotted like islets as he'd tried to manoeuvre his way through this obstacle course. "I guess I could imagine a kid living here...? And two evidently pretty messy parents," Ian mused to himself. 

As he walked past the mountain of dirty dishes piled up in the sink, he knocked on, then entered what he assumed to be the master bedroom. Ian slowly eased open the door and slipped inside, all he could hear were retching and heaving sounds coming from the adjacent bathroom, a look of disgust slowly blossoming all over Ian's face. Instead, he approached the crib and picked up Tyler with a smile, who had been wailing before than, but then turned to look at Ian with a quizzical expression across his face. Ian held out Tyler with both his arms and moved them as if he was steering, "Hello, Tyler, this is Uncle Ian. Shall I get you ready for daycare? Yes, we totally can!" 

...

David came out of the bathroom having just thrown up what was probably last night's lunch and dinner, his face looking a little queasy. Being bent over a toilet and on-off retching for 45 minutes can do that to you. Immediately, he noticed that Tyler was abnormally quiet, and when he looked over... "Tyler? Tyler! Where did you wander off to this time? Tyler!"

In that moment, Ian chose to come back into his room. "Don't get your bathrobe in a twist, David, I just sent Tyler off to daycare. You were spending so long in the bathroom that I was beginning to wonder if that was actually you, or just a recording of throw-up sounds set on loop." 

"But...but...but...," David paused for a moment as a wave of nausea swept over him, "How?" 

"Well...I got him dressed, made pancakes for him in the morning, and then drove him to daycare, just like any other responsible caretaker would," Ian grinned. "The fact that you guys kept the address of his daycare on the fridge with those adorable little magnets was quite helpful indeed, although I must say the teacher in charge was quite shocked when I showed up...Anyway, I have already called the Smosh office to inform them that neither of us will be coming in today."