I think I'm Pretty... What about you?

I stand in the mirror and scrutinize every part of my body picking up on all the bad points. My stomachs too big and my arms are massive, my face is spotty and I'm a lot on the chubby side. What I don't see is my beautiful smile all my friends and family constantly tell me about, my backoff (as them hood rat boys call it) and my hourglass shape. I do this nearly every day and always wonder why no one can look past my chubbinessv-especially boys- and just see me for my inner beauty and natural funniness as a possibility for great friendship.

My name is Shayla Johnson and I'm 15 years old, I'm fully Jamaican and have two older brothers who I live with along with my wonderful and caring dad. I suppose that's all you need to know and the rest will surface in due time.

I guess you're wondering where my mum is; well she went away a long time ago. There is never actually a day where I can say I actually miss her though. She was manipulative towards me and my brothers and loved to feed us lies. The one lie that she told me when I was younger that I'll never be able to forget is when she admitted to the fact that I was a mistake. Ever since then I turnt to food as a comfort. It became my best friend, food could never hurt me and was always a reliable source to make me feel better. I later on found out she said this because she was drunk out of her head and my dad explained to me that what she said was out of her control. That's why I love my dad he always knows how to turn a bad situation around, making everyone happy. My mum left when I was 10 with some alcoholic who I think was called Kamal; I'd seen him many times before he took my mum away from me nearly 5 times a week. I was told to call him uncle Kamal; I was too young and naïve to notice he only came when daddy wasn't around and mummy's bedroom door would always be locked with weird noises coming out from the other side. Anyways she's gone and I blame her for my weight since it has been creeping up slowly since the day she left.

Tones of councillors and dieticians have gone by and here I am; I no longer eat for comfort but the weight stays there. This isn't a sob story though I don't want sympathy as long as I have my friends and family I'm alright but it would be nice to be accepted by others. I look at most of my friends with an envious glare but I then remember that God has a plan for me and he made me who I am for a reason. I wasn't the most religious but I knew God existed and that everything is in his control; so I didn't have to worry too much.

Other than my small encounters with God, my brothers are a main source of why I keep going, Treyshaune 19 and Dante 17. We all have the same mum and dad, this isn't one of them ghetto stories where my dad has 12 million baby mamas as far as I know my dad only loved my mum and from that judgement I think he should just stay single. I don't know where he got her from, I think they were high school sweet hearts or some foolishness like that, let's just say my dad has a bad time at choosing the right girl even though he has them falling at his feet. Anyways, my brothers make me laugh and before you ask they don't roll around on streets thinking they are "badman" they are both still in education and plan to stay that way until they get a degree. Not long for Treyshaune but Dante has still got a while to go; that won't stop him though he is very determined they both are. Don't get me wrong they were not some stuck up snobs, they were completely the opposite if I think about it most of their friends were roadmen but they looked up to them because of all they have achieved and were going to achieve. I also looked up to them, they were my role models and I loved them dearly. Trey (Treyshaune) and Dan Dan(Dante)- don't ask I was only 5 when I gave him that name and it stuck- took care of me when my mum left it was great having three men in the house being the only girl meant I was showered with attention and quite spoilt but I never took those things for granted.

I loved hearing my brothers stories of their day, there was always something funny going on in their lives. It was this day in particular that Dante was telling me about his new "best friend" Ashane who was always messing about and getting himself in trouble. I was literally rolling on the floor with laughter at his stupidity when there was a knock at the front door, no one made a move to answer it so I forced myself up from the floor.