It's funny
Homesickness; usually a term to describe someone missing their home
But I am home
At our house
At the house my parents just bought less than a year ago.
Yet I feel homesick-
As if i don't belong.
I'm home but I ache.
I ache of the old scenery,
The old comforts,
The old scents that you don't normally notice while walking around in your neighborhood.
You see- I was I city girl
A city girl that took the bus to school,
Walked out whenever I wanted to buy something-
Because hey, it was right across the street
It was the scenery I grew up with.
The people I grew up with.
I wasn't close to everyone;
But there was something special everyone had in common
Everyone was at the same stature, same social status
People weren't necessarily nice,
Humble,
Apologetic,
Or anything of that nature;
They were like any other people who had flaws
Yet I felt comfort in being around them
Why?
Because here;
Everyone is fighting. Not physically, but secretly.
Trying to outdo the other,
Trying to be the better person,
Stand out.
In the city- if you had a problem with someone,
They were upfront.
There would even be a physical fight.
There was drama but at least you knew where you stand.
Here?
Everyone acts so nice
As if they're your best friends
But in reality everyone's in a competition;
A race to the top
I feel suffocated
Even in my own house
I feel as though the walls are caving in
Threatening to eat me at any second.
And as I try to adjust in this environment,
I feel alone.
My own parents and sisters;
Loving, caring, and only want the best for me.
But sometimes, I can't help but feel as if I'm drowning, drowning from expectations.
Do this, do that.
That's something expected of everyone, it's a norm.
But forcing your own dreams into someone else shouldn't be.
You may have been happy doing this or wished you could've done that.
But I'm not you.
I don't want to become this, I don't want to take part in that.
I love you but please,
Let m be my own person
