Stan Your Man ♡ Sill

notebook entry twenty three:

richie came over today, to hold me and tell me everything is okay.
i pity him. he wasn't as close to you as i was. he didn't get to know you like i did. so he didn't feel as bad as i do.
"how is everything okay? bill is dead. nothing is okay, stop acting like life will just move on, alright? just let me-"
"dead?"
richie let go of me, my head that just previously laid on his shoulder started to throb. i was so confused.
was it a dream? are you at the barrens just waiting for me to go and tell you i love you?
laughing. richie was laughing?
"he moved, silly goose. he didn't die. who told you that?"
my heart. i could feel it beating so loud, so loud that richie probably heard it too.
i was still upset, but this is better than him being dead, right?
yeah, it was.
"bev-beverly did."
still so confused. but i gave him a questioning look. what, what he was saying true? are you alive bill?
"beverly must've heard it wrong. eddie came and told us his house was empty when he went to grab him. big bill moved, stan."
i nodded. for some reason tears were coming up again. i couldn't speak, i felt as if i was choking.
whether they were tears from you leaving me so suddenly. or from knowing you weren't dead. i, myself, didn't even know.
but i cried. and richie sat and rubbed my back. he's a good friend.
no one will ever replace you though bill.
no one.
-sincerely, stan your man ♡