Don't let go✔️

1

My legs tremble as I make my way closer and closer to what will be my fate. My heart is hammering underneath my chest as I eye the waves, roaring and crashing underneath me. If I jump of this cliff I will surely die from the impact, if not then by drowning.

I lift my head up and gaze into the murky dark navy sky. Stars shine brightly as I admire the bright moon glowing for me to see it's existence. Do people even see my existence?

My bottom lip queers with fear. My life has never gone as I planned out; my college, courses even my future job. I carry on staring at the crazy waves that seem like they're just waiting. Will my whole life just be a disaster? I will never know.

I take the tie that keeps my hair in one place and let it fall to the ground causing my extremely curly locks to fall reaching my shoulders. It flies back and brushes my right cheek as I looked back at the roads. They were empty. A part of me wished I wouldn't do this but at this point, all of me has had enough. I slide up my sleeves to see a deep gash mark that is permanently etched onto my skin and will taunt me every single time I see it.

The salty breeze from the ocean beneath me makes my nostrils flare up as I moved my foot one inch closer, allowing it to dangle in the air. An uncontrollable tear escapes my eyes and races down my cheek; death, the only solution to my problems. My fate was made up in my mind and it was to rid myself of all the pain I have been through. To stop being a bother to everyone and everything around me because I.. I am worthless. Useless. Nothing.

How can I enjoy life when the voices inside me are always screaming? Everyone who I thought would be there for me, love me; just left me and I am now alone. I'm just not good enough, how can I keep silent when the voices inside of me won't let me?

Somehow I see a face beginning to form in the water beneath me that is now somehow still. It reminds me of the trays that would contain spools of happiness and glee. I remember sitting in the darkroom which was my dads most favourite room in the house and printing pictures. I loved the bright red light that just had a really calming presence to it but it was mostly the pride in my dads eyes when he would see the final result of the photos. He would extremely tentatively stare at the details that would slowly begin to appear.

Right now my reflection was forming in the water in front of me but I wasn't smiling like my dad nor was I proud. I wonder if he was ever proud of me?

My eyes are what catches my attention first. They are bloodshot red with dark purple circles brimming them. I remember putting on heaps of concealer this morning but I guess it washed away like my happiness with the torrent of my tears.

I squint with force to see more of my reflection in this darkness. My complexion looks pretty normal but I'm a horror to see. My hazel eyes that once held so much are now dulls spools of brown. My lips look plump; but not plump enough. My eyebrows are plucked; but not plucked enough. I look down at the physical form of myself too see my body. Gross. My arms look down my sides and my hands rest on the surface behind me as I realise I was sitting down. They look like floppy lifeless noodles but that's okay; soon I will be. My chest still hasn't got curves yet but that's okay, it's not like I'm fat which most girls my age are struggling with.

I look back up into the sky. Don't you ever just want to see what is really up there? I've always wanted to touch those fluffy white clouds that just look so amazing. I can't see them right now however a slight shadow is visible. Don't you just want to fly? Fly around the world and see everything with no tensions or no worries. Because that's all I've ever wanted. Because that's when freedom comes in.

I want to be free.

I stand up, but then forget that I'm not on the ground and slip almost falling into the deep river however my foot gets stuck in a rock protruding from the uneven path. A chunk of a stone chips of from my sudden movements and falls into the water. I lurch my body forward to see it falling and how far it goes. I don't see it anymore as it's to hard to spot in the dark but I hear a splash as it makes contact with the water and just a ripple that shows that it was here. There's no light down there. There's no life. Just water and darkness.

I take my phone out of my pocket as well as my mothers necklace, maybe my auntie would like to keep it?

This is it. The end. Squeezing my eyes, I let myself prepare my body for the impact that will surely be the end of me and let my hand slip from the rocks that are keeping me steady. The chilly air breezes across my body that causes goosebumps to form on my arms as I look up to see the moon shining now at its fullest extent. I take one last look at the beautiful view and take a deep breathe of the cold, crisp winter air.

I drop forward expecting to be met by the water smacking my front and drowning my entire body, but instead of falling forward, I fall in the opposite direction. As soon as I regain sense and the feel the fear of being alive hits me, I feel sturdy arms holding onto my waist as they pull me onto the ground wrapping my frail body in a tight embrace.

I hit him hard with my elbow before standing up and feel everything fall apart.
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT,"I scream on the top of my lungs. He just ruined everything.

"1 day," I look at him completely and utterly confused,"I will give you a new reason to live."

I'm going to die anyways so why don't I make him happy and then come here again. It took me too much effort to bring myself here in the first place and now that he has interrupted everything I can't do it now.

"Ok," I say as he blinks in order to reassure himself; shock clear on his face.

"I'll see you here tomorrow,"the mysterious boy says as he walks away into the night.

The boy once saved my life, who knew that it was only to destroy it again.