And i will walk on water

Chapter ten

Fic: And I Will Walk On Water (10/18)

Title: And I Will Walk On Water (10/18)

Characters: Dean and Castiel, Sam

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: ~6,600

Notes: This chapter was saved, as always, by ibroketuesday. ♥

Summary: Dean tries to fix things, and then he has to try even harder.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

It wasn't until Sam came hurrying out to the car and got into the backseat with him that Dean bothered to move, and even then, all he did was lift his head from the window.

"Dude, you've been out here forever," Sam said, looking damp and worried as he gave Dean a once-over and then brought his eyes back up to Dean's face. "What's wrong?"

Everything was wrong. He'd fucked up, he'd fucked Castiel up, he'd fucked their friendship up, and the world was still ending, slowly but surely. If he'd had the energy, Dean would have laughed bitterly. But he didn't have the energy, so he merely shook his head.

Sam frowned and glanced down at the sopping heap that was Castiel's discarded suit jacket and trench coat. "Where's Cas?"

"Gone," was all Dean said. Probably forever, if he knew what was best for himself. The thought made Dean absolutely miserable. All he wanted was for Castiel to come back so he could try to apologize and make everything okay again, to wipe away that look of betrayal and make Castiel okay again, but Castiel had never been okay, not really, and Dean hadn't even noticed. He'd been too busy soaking in all that uncomplicated affection and wanting even more when he should have been trying to be a better friend. He didn't blame Castiel for leaving because he'd been right to, and maybe that was the worst part, this realization that he didn't want what was best for Castiel. Dean just wanted Castiel to be his again.

"Is he alright?" Sam prompted.

Dean didn't even bother lying. "No."

"Uh." His brother looked bewildered. "Should we be looking for him?"

"No," Dean said again. Even if they did have a hope in hell of finding an angel who didn't want to be found, he was sure he was the last person Castiel wanted to see.

"Dean," Sam said in frustration, "what the hell is going on between you two? You've been staring at him for weeks, don't think I haven't noticed, and now he's gone and you're practically catatonic? If I didn't know better I'd think you two were having some sort of lovers' spat or something."

Dean snorted, more bitterly than he'd intended, and said, "Just drop it, okay?" And he must have sounded tired enough or desperate enough because after a long moment of studying him with an unreadable expression, Sam looked away with a sigh.

"Fine. I'll be back in the room."

He left quietly, but after he was gone and the only sound Dean was left with was that of the incessant rain hitting the car, Dean found himself wishing his brother had stayed. He didn't want to talk, but it was less lonely when someone else was there with him, just sitting quietly, the way Castiel would. He could always content himself with Dean's presence and his own thoughts, and fuck, but Dean wished he would come back. He didn't want to kiss Castiel anymore, or even touch him. All he wanted was for Castiel to know that he was sorry, and to stop hating him and give him a second chance he probably didn't deserve.

But Castiel didn't come back, and Dean didn't get his second chance. He didn't realize he'd subconsciously been waiting for Castiel despite being sure he was really gone until what was probably several hours later, when it was well and truly nighttime and Dean's bladder forced him to go back inside. He took Castiel's clothes in with him because it felt wrong to leave them crumpled on the floor of the car, or maybe just because he still hoped Castiel would come back to reclaim them. Either way, Dean hung them up in the bathroom, and Sam didn't say a word.