/ longer chapter ahead /
dear jeon jungkook,
for some dumb reason, i feel like writing
more today. the poems i send you everyday are just a small fraction of me but let's be honest, you probably haven't read even a single one.
you're most likely too occupied with that new boyfriend of yours. what's his name again?
ah! i remember you telling me but my ears were ringing when you first said it. i think it was something like chim, not quite sure but he must be gorgeous.
i never thought of myself as attractive.
but you lied to me all the time, making me believe you found some sort of beauty in me. for example, the day we were cooking in the kitchen. you were being silly, waving a spatula in the air while making weird noises and running around the kitchen.
you were always such a dumbass but you made me laugh. as i cooked our dinner, you came from behind me.
your touch was instant warmth that i melted in your arms.
you wrapped your arms around my waist, pulling me closer to whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
"you're absolutely beautiful."
how you made me feel with those simple words, i can not describe. but sadly i can describe the sorrow that runs through me thinking of those words now.
you made me feel special, jungkook. i should have never believed you. now remembering hurts.
again.
we were laying under the stars, one of those many nights. you whispered & you won.
"the stars must be jealous
because they're aren't as
breathtaking as you."
i always thought you could be a poet, but poets aren't usually liars.
i hope you don't break 'chims' heart as well. maybe you can make him feel important & loved. i thought, i was important to you because you were so damn important to me but i guess we had different definitions of the word.
first loves are such clichés because now i find many.
each night, going out & finding new boys that stitch me up a little bit more.
love, lust, all the same.
after all, that's what i was to you, huh? & that's all our love ever was.
i actually wish to see you again but it's not because i miss you. no, i wish to cut that emotional tether because i've simply been forgotten.
or maybe, i'm a little broken
because the scars on my wrists aren't ever going to fade.
yeah, i'll admit it.
i don't recognize this version of myself
but maybe this version is better.
