CHAPTER SIXTEEN
PART ONE OF TWO
"ARE you sure?"
"yes, kihyun."
"okay. i believe you." he paused for two seconds, then: "but... are you, like, really sure?"
nayoung hung up.
kihyun moved the phone away from his ear to look down at the darkening screen. his bottom lip pouted upon seeing the ended call.
all he needed was some reassurance from changkyun's cousin that it would be completely fine for him to just rock up to the said boy's house, with no invitation, no warning. he kept telling himself that the other would be happy to see him, even nayoung said it, but he couldn't help but feel like he was making a huge mistake. the endless he wouldn't want you there kept buzzing around kihyun's brain, and he wished he could turn his thoughts off for a day. maybe two.
nevertheless, he continued along the sidewalk, eyes admiring how the clouds started to let the sunlight shine through them.
changkyun would've like this, he thought, looking at the sky.
kihyun would fumble with his hands nervously until he became conscious of what he was doing, then shove them down by his sides. he gave himself a bunch of motivational talks, trying to bring his confidence up. it was mostly to distract himself long enough until he actually reached changkyun's house, to be honest. he knew how changkyun was understanding, though, so if he happened to be anxious, for instance, like he was currently, the other wouldn't even mind— possibly. maybe. okay, now, he doubted everything.
taking in deep breaths, he attempted to calm down, despite changkyun's house coming into view.
kihyun suddenly felt like turning around and running back home. however, his feet didn't stop, and now, he was standing in front of changkyun's door.
his hand hovered over it, hesitant with knocking.
closing his eyes, kihyun told himself that he would knock on the count of three. so, he began to slowly, extremely slowly, count inside his head. on the number two, he heard a loud crashing sound from somewhere inside the house. instantly, he opened his eyes, wondering if he imagined it and his worries were just going overboard once again. but then he heard something else, which sounded too similar to a person crying.
heart pounding, kihyun's hand reached for the door handle. giving it a twist, he discovered it was already unlocked.
forgetting about knocking, being polite, and acknowledging that it was someone else's home, the boy wandered through the door. he aimlessly looked around the seemingly empty place.
"changkyun?" he shakily called out.
there was no response.
a muffled sob came from down the hallway. that was when kihyun realized it was changkyun.
he hurriedly walked up to the closed bedroom door, standing frozen to the floor for a moment. although, something was clearly not right, he felt like he couldn't simply barge in. kihyun let out a quiet breath, then brought himself to knock softly on the wooden frame, only to hear the crying from the other side of the door to abruptly cease.
"changkyun? it's me, kihyun."
it was silent for awhile, then changkyun managed to whisper out, "what are you doing here?"
"i thought we could hang out?" say something else. "a-are you okay?"
"i'm..." it seemed he was thinking about his answer, "i'm busy."
kihyun heard a few sniffles coming from behind the door, changkyun was obviously trying to keep his emotions in. it didn't matter, anyways, it never did, because kihyun wasn't going to be disgusted or scared away.
he moved his hand down to hold the handle, "can i come in, please?"
"no. don't."
"why not?" he placed his forehead on the door.
changkyun barely mumbled out, "i don't want you to see me like this."
trying again, he said, "please?" almost sounding desperate.
but he really was.
there was shuffling inside the room, then the handle started to turn. kihyun instantly moved his hand away, simultaneously standing back, as well. once the navy-blue haired boy opened the door, kihyun could see how the room was chaotic; books thrown around, random clothing items scattered across the carpet. but kihyun's eyes were quick to focus back on changkyun. he saw how the boy looked so lost. so hurt. cheeks red, stained with tears as they still flowed down the skin. his head was tilted to the ground, not willing to reach anywhere for kihyun to see him properly
instinctively, kihyun stepped forward, cupping changkyun's cheeks. the latter flinched with the contact.
before kihyun could apologize, remove his hands, the boy rushed to bring his fingers up to his t-shirt. a loose grip on the fabric, in a silent way of him telling kihyun not to leave or stop.
gradually, kihyun directed the boy's gaze up. yet, changkyun's eyes weren't looking towards him, instead, they were closed. it seemed like, if he tried hard enough, he would successfully vanish from the world. leave behind his problems; leave behind kihyun. then it was the please, let me see you, that made changkyun flutter his eyes open. kihyun noticed one eye was brown, the same colour he always admired. but the other eye wasn't like that all at. it was an icy-blue; a hue that resembled the pale blue sky in the morning. a contact must have fallen out, which was why changkyun didn't want him to come in and see him. a piece of kihyun's heart felt like it shattered.
he guided changkyun to sit down on the bed. slowly entwining their fingers together, he hoped the other would find comfort within him.
kihyun didn't know what to say in those type of situations, let alone most of the time around changkyun. he was terrible at giving advice, after all, but, he said the one thing he thought changkyun could find somewhat helpful.
"we don't have to talk," voice soft, "it's okay if you want to cry."
and once the last word slipped from kihyun's tongue, changkyun basically pushed himself into his arms. the sudden movement made both of them to fall backwards onto the mattress. that was okay, because kihyun just held him in his embrace. he rubbed changkyun's back soothingly, feeling the latter's breathing turn ragged. the loud sobs he tried to suppress from passing his lips, were finally allowed to be heard. kihyun never let go of changkyun while he cried, letting him know that it was totally fine.
that he was safe.
