Mitch knocked softly on the outside of Scott's bunk. "Scott? Can we talk?" Scott froze in his place, he was laying facing the curtain on his phone. He quickly hid his phone under his pillow and closed his eyes to pretend to be asleep.
"Scott come on, I know your not sleeping. You just climbed in here." Dammit, Scott thought, but continued to fake it thinking maybe he'd just give up and walk away.
"Okay then." He heard Mitch sigh and almost thought the coast was clear when he heard the curtain snap back. He tried not to move and continue with the act but when he felt Mitch push him back slightly and start to climb in he opened his eyes.
"Mitch!? What the fuck are you doing?" I asked and he shrugged.
"You wouldn't come out so instead I came in." He said and Scott shook his head and rolled over. He grabbed his phone in the process to ignore him.
"Now you're the one ignoring me." Mitch said quietly and Scott snapped his head around to face him.
"Yeah doesn't feel good does it? Oh wait you probably don't give a shit because it doesn't matter to you whether or not I'm talking to you." Scott spit at him and Mitch frowned.
"Look I came up here to apologize-" Scott cut him off.
"Why? Because Austin made you. You know how fucking ironic that is given our situation?" Mitch squinted at him.
"You're not making this easy." He said feeling angry.
Scott laughed bitterly, "it's not supposed to be easy Mitch. You've been ignoring my existence for months and the last time you did, you yelled at me. You yelled at me because you were so worried your secret would get out that you didn't give a shit about what I was feeling. You didn't give a shit when you saw that I had obviously been crying for hours and all you cared about was your fucking secret. God Mitch, we were supposed to go through this together but you threw me away. So no it shouldn't fucking be easy for me to forgive you. It should be easy for you to apologize."
Mitch's eyes had filled with tears, "I'm sorry." He whispered staring at him, "Scott, you know that this isn't easy for me. I don't know how to deal with this. I've never... done that before and I hate that I did."
Scott looked down at his hands as he was propped up on his elbow. "Neither have I. After Alex I thought I would never but now I know how easy it is to get caught up in something. Especially if you're not actually in love with your spouse."
Mitch tilted his head in confusion, "you weren't in love with Shawn?" He asked and Scott thought carefully about what to say next.
"No obviously not. If I was then I never would've slept with you. No matter how drunk I was I wouldn't have done it. The drinks clouded my judgement of whether or not I should but if I was in love with Shawn then it wouldn't even be an option." He said looking up at him, "does that make sense?"
"Do you think that... I don't love Austin?" He asked and Scott shrugged.
"Only you can determine that. Look I'm sure this has been very hard on you too but I need you. I need you by my side again. I've been going crazy not being able to talk to you." Scott admitted looking down at his hands.
Mitch reached over and grabbed his hand, "I'm so sorry Scott. It's not your fault. None of this is. I guess I just blamed you because it was it easier than blaming it all on myself. But it wasn't fair to you so I'm sorry." He said and Scott nodded.
"It's okay. You were just-" Mitch shook his head closing his eyelids shut as a few tears fell.
"Stop. Why are you doing that? Why do you always do that? This last fight is the only time you've ever not just forgiven me on the spot. And I know I thought it was annoying but no you were just protecting yourself and sometimes I don't deserve your forgiveness so quick. I deserve for you to be mad at me after how I've treated you the past few months. Oh my god Scott you've been... I've been so... I'm so-" Mitch's breathing had started to increase and he was almost gasping for air in a panic. Scott immediately pulled him into his arms and rubbed his back.
"Shh shh, it's okay. You're okay. Breathe Mitchie... you're okay." He whispered in his ear as he held Mitch to his chest. "I forgive you because you deserve it. I love you so much no matter what happens."
Mitch held onto him tightly and breathed in his scent as it slowly calmed him down. "I love you." He whispered in his chest, "god I missed you so much."
Scott chuckled and rubbed his back soothingly, "I missed you too but you probably miss Austin a lot more." He said sadly pushing him away.
Mitch frowned, "not nearly as much as I missed you." Scott started to blush but he quickly tried to hide it by shaking his head and slowly helping Mitch out of his bunk.
Mitch held onto his arms as he lowered himself down but kept his arms there when he landed and looked at Scott seriously. "Things are gonna be different now okay? I love you." He said genuinely and Scott nodded awkwardly.
Somehow I can't believe that.
