Unfamiliar

Chapter One

I gazed at my (somewhat chubby) pale hands, at the vibrant grass beneath me, at the blue sky above and smiled a little. I had no idea who, or what, I was nor did I know where I was, or what anything was, but there was a feeling - it pulsed through my veins and made my mind buzz with excitement - of wonder, and a will to learn. But, more prominently, their was worry and what-ifs. There was panic and everything was so risky, so many scenes and scenarios played out in my mind and drowned out any of the positives. It was scary and new, and I didn't like it.

And I was alone.

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I walked through the field of grass, my small legs unstable and unused to walking, exploring my home and thinking about everything, about all the possibilities - both good and bad - that could happen from each and every one of my actions. It was tiring. I was tiring.

Sitting down I figured there wasn't really any use in exploring, too many things could go wrong. I was so tired, yet unable to sleep.

I counted stars instead, although I didn't manage to get far. I wasn't good at counting, only being able to reach fifteenth before having to start again.

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I didn't know how long I was alone for, but I knew that I didn't quiet like being alone. It wasn't the unnerving quiet around me, my mind was loud enough to drown that out, but the longing inside me at made me want a friend. I didn't want one though, not truly, because then I would have to account for more scenarios and more things could go wrong. They could hate me, make fun of me, think I'm a freak... really it was best for me to stick to what I knew.

But, I was so very lonely.

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I once again wondered the grassy fields, although I wasn't exploring this time. Something drew me across the grass and to the edge of the woods, and the part of me that didn't want to be alone followed it. The rest screamed about how stupid it was, what could go wrong, how it would change everything. But I went anyway.

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I wish I hadn't followed that feeling.

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I had found a friend in the woods. His name was Depression, he looked like I did - or what the reflections in the puddles said I looked like - except sadder. I didn't like seeing him sad. He was like me, although he wasn't alone, and said he would help me figure out who and what I was.

"You are like them, but also not," he had whispered in some sort of wonder. I don't think I was ment to hear that.

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Depression let me stay at his house, it was nice and there wasn't much room for unnecessary risks. I liked that, it made my head not buzz and my chest feel lighter.

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He was a unnecessary risk. My head buzzed louder than before, telling me that this was bad bad badbadbadbad.

He wouldn't let me leave.

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Depression told me that I was someone called 'Anxiety', one of Thomas' traits, which was why I was always anxious and over-thinking. I knew that, but that worried me; how did I know that?

He told me about the others - Prince, Morality, Logic - but he warned me to stay away from them, that the where dangerous to people like us. That they would hate me, like they hated him and like he hated me.

I don't really understand what he meant but I'll listen to him anyway. I was to scared not to.

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Debby is getting weaker, but I cant get my hopes up.

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We went out into the woods, it was really fun and even Depression had fun! He always looks sad, just like how I always look worried and scared, so it was nice to see him not-sad. Maybe then he wouldn't be so mean.

 I caught a bunny - his name is Angst - but Debby made me "release him back into the wild" and I was to scared to refuse.

I wish I still had Angst help me when Debby is angry. I wish I wasn't so scared.

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I went back to my old home, the field of grass that I spent (what Debby told me was) years in, alone today. Debby is always tired, he couldn't come with me so I'm lucky I was allowed to leave.

Is something wrong with him? I hopes so.

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Debby says he's fine. I don't believe him.... is it bad that I hope he isn't okay?

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He looks sad. I wish he was not-sad instead, because then he wouldn't make me so scared and sad.

I don't think he's going to be okay, he is really weak. His skin is paler than mine, his eyes empty and he is so tired all the time. But he isn't sleepy. Debby said its okay, that he will get better and that I'm "too young to worry"....

.... but I'm not worried, not about that anyway.

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Debby left this morning. I wonder when he is gonna come back. I hope he doesn't.

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It's been ages, he still isn't back. I want him back, everything is so loud without him.

He must've fallen asleep because he is always so tired! 

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My head is buzzing and my chest tight again. I don't think he's coming back.

I'm not-sleepy tired. Is this how Depression felt?

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I'm alone again.

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I take back what I said, I wish depression was back. Anything is better than the loneliness that suffocates me, even the pain and panic that he would cause me... I deserved that though.

Do I deserve to be alone too?

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NOTES:

- Anxiety is physically 4 when he is created

- Depression finds him when he is 8.

- Depression starts to grow weak when Anxiety is around 13

- he leaves on his 15th birthday (Although Anxiety doesn't know what a birthday is)

Anxiety doesn't have a formal education which is why he uses words like not-sad (Depression doesn't want him to know about other emotions) but was taught basic spelling and grammar.

I'm honestly only publishing this for Jinxed-Unicorn bc I love them and they seem to enjoy this fic???