The Mafia Boss's Possession

Chapter 17

I was combing my dark, wet hair making it fall limply against my back, contrasting greatly with my pale skin. I sighed in annoyance, I used to have tan, beautiful skin, and now it was all pale and looked like I hadn't seen the sun in ages, which was partially true. The bags under my eyes resembled dark punches, but they weren't. My body had lost any ounce of muscle that it had, and was now replaced with just skin that stuck to my bones. I trailed my dark green eyes back up to myself and saw the redness surround the white of my eyes. I had spent another shower crying. 

It had been three months since I had returned from Italy. Carson had been very caring, and made sure that I was getting enough food and sleep to help recuperate to my old self, but we both knew it was no use. He told me plenty of times that "no one would ever dare to lay a finger on me," and that he had "taken care of them." And I knew that he had. On nights, he'd come back to our bedroom with red-stained hands, and it took no genius to know that it was blood. The blood had been washed off, but the reminder laid with the stains. Same with me. The bruises had faded and the cuts had healed, but the scars were still there. Some would think that I was being dramatic, and perhaps I was, but being kidnapped and treated badly wasn't what had gotten to me. 

It was the miscarriage that I had suffered. 

"Are you sure that it was a miscarriage?" I held my pale, fisted hand over my racing heartbeat, waiting for the doctor to answer. 

"Yes, Mrs. Vescovi, I'm one hundred percent sure." His answer filled me with dread as tears pooled my eyes. "It's perfectly normal for things like these to happen, especially for a person put in the..." he rambled on about how I had been mistreated during my kidnapping, and how the stress about being the wife of the biggest mafia leader had affected me. 

"How come I didn't feel anything?" I wiped the tears from my eyes, trying to find a lie in all of this mess to prove that he had been wrong, that I hadn't just killed a baby, my baby. 

"With the pain of the fractured ribs, and then the ice numbing your body, your body just didn't react the way it should have, that's why we have to preform the surgery as soon as possible to drain all of the pent up liquids, I can schedule a day with your husband and you cho-"

"No," I declared, shaking my head. "My husband doesn't need to be bothered with all of this, I'll take care of it." I pushed my tears to the side as he warily handed me a clipboard with all of the papers that stated the terms and conditions, and the surgery steps as well as all the possibilities if the surgery went wrong. 

"Madam, with all due respect, Vesco-"

"Vescovi is busy, besides, it's not like your preforming the surgery on him, now is it?" I snapped, signing my name sloppily on the line before thrusting the clipboard back in his hands. "You work for him, now don't you?" I asked and he nodded, his eyes cautious as I nodded. "Good, so you know what type of business he runs?" I waited for him to confirm, and he nodded again. "Good, now know, if I even as to peep a breath about you being disrespectful to me in any way, shape, or form, he will end your life-"

"Mada-"

"So you will keep this between us! Correct?" I warned, knowing well that I would never lie about something that could end a life, but the doctor didn't know that. 

"Yes, but what are we going to say that the sur-"

"You," I emphasized, moving off the bed, "are going to make up a lie, any lie, doesn't matter, tell him my ribs need surgery, that I need to be checked for a concussion, you can tell him I'm fucking dying of an infection, but not about the baby, is that clear?" I hissed, knowing I was being unfair and putting him in a tough situation, but I had been put in tougher ones. 

"Yes, ma'am." He surrender and I nodded in satisfaction.

The surgery was performed the next day, after my threat to the doctor. Carson suspected nothing as he assured me that he had hired the best surgeons, and that he would be waiting for me outside. I felt guilty for lying to him, for hiding the truth about the baby, but I also knew that I needed time to myself. I needed to find peace and stop blaming myself for something that wasn't my fault. At times, I managed to feel good about life, but then there were other times when I knew that if I had been more careful with myself, if I had paid more attention, I would've saved a baby's life. 

There was also the fact that I didn't know how Carson was going to react once he found out that I had been pregnant, and then that I had lost our baby. I wanted to know if he was going to be mad at me for losing something so precious, but then I thought about how he took lives on a daily, and was the most feared man in the world. I wondered if he would have been happy that I had lost it, that way he wouldn't have to take care of a child, but I couldn't bear that thought. It was far too cruel, Carson wouldn't dare say something like that, or be like that, but I didn't know him. I didn't even know a single fact about him. I only knew he was a couple years older than I was, his looks indicated his was young, but I knew nothing.

"Ayva?" I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door knock me out of my contemplation. 

I  looked at the door, and took in a deep breath before opening it. "Yes?" I looked up to see Carson looking down at me, inspecting my face again and his jaw hardened. 

"Have you eaten?" His eyes scoured my complexion, his eyes showing sadness. All this time, he had been trying to care after me, but I only seemed to get worse, and it wasn't his fault. I could start to see how much he had distanced himself from me, and I feared that soon, we would be back to square one, not talking or even sparing a glance at each other. 

"I'm not hungry." I faked a smile and pushed past his tall body, making my way over to the bed and pulling the covers off. Carson stood in his place and watched as I crawled in, his face becoming void of any emotion. 

"Alright, I'm going out, don't expect me back." He stated before heading out. He shut the door behind him and I closed my eyes, preventing the tears to spill out. I hugged the comforter closer to my chest, trying to warm up my freezing hands. I missed having his body lie beside my own, the warmth it radiated offered me comfort in the cold room, but tonight would be yet another night that he'd spent out. I didn't know where he went or what he did, but I also didn't want to ask, in fear of the answer. 

I wanted to devote myself to him, to show him that I wanted this to be a serious relationship, but I couldn't. Why would such a powerful, handsome, and busy man want to be with me? I was crumbling apart slowly, withering away in sadness, almost depression. I couldn't even offer him a sincere smile. How the hell was I supposed to offer a sincere relationship, considering he was open to one? The answer was that I couldn't, so I muffled my cries into my pillow and pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to pull myself together, even though I knew a part of me had died.

I had one job, and it was to protect a baby that was inside of me with all I had, and I had failed. Now, I was paying the consequences. I was drowning in my own sorrow, and the weight I had placed on my shoulders wasn't helping. It was only a matter of time before I reached the bottom and ran out of breath. It was also a matter of time before Carson found out about the truth about my surgery. I had been wanting to tell him, but every time I neared him and looked into his forest green eyes, I would retract my steps, and not say anything. I don't think I could bare to have him hate me the way I was doing to myself. If he blamed me for the loss of that baby, I knew it would end whatever hope I had to recover myself, and hope was the only thing that had me going each and every day.