Octavia (Completed - 2018 Watty's Longlist)

Chapter Twenty Four - Octavia

I cannot remember the last time I was scared. When you're a vampire like I am, you are what people are scared of. Of course I would have been scared when I was a human. But as the years go by, my human memories fade away. Whenever I try to remember them, it was like trying to remember a dream. But the longer you spend trying to remember it, the more it slips away.
The last time I was scared was a few weeks ago when our old family friends, the Everett's, came to visit. It was both a pleasant surprise and a burden. I was happy to see Blair and her adoptive parents, Victor and Martha, but I was not too thrilled to see her idiot of a brother Landon. The moment Landon walked into my house I felt his emotions and his intentions on the evening. And in that moment I was scared. He felt so much hatred and jealousy towards Edmund that I was scared he was going to try something. Being a vampire, our emotions are heightened. Hatred and jealousy are such strong emotions, that can be easily turned into rage. With Edmund being in the house, I was constantly on edge, ready for Landon to pounce, and he did. I knew letting Edmund stay was a bad idea. I wished I had taken him home when I had the chance.

Much to my dismay, the Everett's decided to stay for a few more days. Which meant that I was on high alert when it came to Edmund's safety. And even though I promised Edmund that I was not going to leave his side until they - Landon - had left, he made me spend the short time they were here for with Blair. I was both annoyed and grateful that he practically forced me to go home and spend time with my life long friend - we still had some catching up to do. Those few months up in Alaska was obviously not enough. Though can you blame us? We hadn't seen each other for years. Many things can happen in that time. Like, for instance, finding your one true love.
The whole time I was away from Edmund and was spending time with Blair, I was anxious. I was paranoid that Landon had gotten to him, or that he had hurt himself. Let's be honest here, the latter was more possible than the former and is exactly why I was so worried. He could have fallen down a hole somewhere knowing his luck.
Though, whenever I could I made sure I spent every second with Edmund. It made me feel extremely appeased when I climbed in through his window at night and saw him, completely unscathed and safe.

I love Edmund more than I thought I could ever love someone. I love him so much that sometimes the word 'love' feels too small of word to describe the deep feelings I feel for him. I love him so much that it causes me not only emotional pain, but physical pain too. Whenever we aren't together, I long to see him again, to touch him. It's incredibly unhealthy, I know. But I can't seem to be without him. Whenever he is gone, depending on what he's doing or how well I try to distract myself, I literally count down the very seconds till I can see him. It is utterly terrifying how one person practically holds your heart in their hands. In my case, my whole existence.
Whenever we are apart for any length of time, I can feel it in that hollow part of my chest where my heart once beat, the aching and yearning feeling. I just cannot be without him for long without it causing me pain. And that scares me so much. If being away from him for more than a day causes me pain, then I don't want to imagine a time when he will be gone forever. And I know that it's not because we're 'true loves' or because there has never been a pair of lovers that have separated in all of vampire history, but because I don't think I could bare it. Edmund is now, and will forever be the only reason why I choose to live on this earth.

Before I met Edmund I never dreamed of a happy future for me. I had already doomed myself to an eternity of loneliness and despair the moment that human part of me died. Then, Edmund came into my life and set fire to my world. He set everything alight; there was sparks, there was explosions, there was light. I lived in a world full of darkness and loneliness. I always felt incomplete, like there was a huge hole in me that needed to be filled. Looking back now, I had no idea that what I needed to make me feel whole was a single person. That single person made me realise the one thing I could never understand: darkness exists to make us appreciate the light. I never knew the light could be so beautiful. Without the light, without Edmund, I wouldn't be able to live.