Overwatch Oneshots

Hands {McHanzo}

TW:
-Sad
-Mentions of a Major Character Death
-Suicide
Includes:
     -Au: Regular Universe
-Dragon Hanzo (towards the end)
-PharaMercy (and their daughter Kira)
-1443 words
-----

To the hands I used to hold, I miss you.

I miss the fact that they were my hands to hold. No one else could hold them the way I could, no one else to cherish them the way I could, no one else was privileged with the feeling of the aged calluses you had, no one else could compare to the hands I used to hold.

Sure, you only had one of those callused, tanned hands, but I loved the metal one just as much, even if it left scars that I could never forget. I miss the feeling of the metal hand running through my hair, pulling and tugging on accident because of the uncovered joints. I miss the feeling of your metal fingers pinching at my hands and drawing blood because of the uncovered joints. All I had left were the memories and the scars, but I wanted more then just the scars and memories. I wanted more of the little cuts the metal would leave and the cold feeling they'd leave in their wake. I wanted to wake up another morning and help you reattach your arm because you were far too tired to do it yourself.

I wish I could just kiss your knuckles one more time, apologize for all my wrong doings and nuzzle my cheek into your palm as we would share a soft kiss. But, those hands are no more, they were gone from what used to be my Jesse McCree. I still remember the loud cackle of a broken com telling me they had found your body, what remained of it at least. Some hair, your hat and serape, a few teeth, both legs, your metal arm and nothing else. I kept what the commander would let me, which was your hat, serape and metal arm. But there were somethings that I was permitted to keep that wasn't with what they found of you, which was the fond memories and the love we shared. Slowly, the reports came in on how the mission went wrong, the reports showed that you had died on your own account, because you had made a mistake. I could never even think of a day that those hands could make a mistake that took their own life. I believed I would die in your hands, I believed I would take one last hold of both of your hands, let the metal of one of your hands scratch my knuckles, let the other rub firmly onto my palm, but that wasn't the case. If anything if you were to die first, I entirely expected it to be by my own hands, because I knew that I was a man of some terrible design.

To the hands of my Jesse McCree, I miss you.

After writing, I neatly folded the paper and sat calmly on the bathroom floor, that familiar red serape coating my shoulders like a layer of snow on thick Hanamura grass. I gripped the cold metal fingers with both of my hands, curling over myself and sobbing as my hair fluttered over my shoulders and falling from underneath the red, overworked fabric. I took the time to recall all my memories of the man I dared to call my husband, my boyfriend, my true love, my cowboy, my one and only, my Jesse McCree. I remember the day we first met, which was a fight. The recall had you and Genji meet again, and my introduction to overwatch, in which you grabbed me by my throat and pummeled me to the floor while Genji screamed that he had forgiven me for what I had done to him. I still constantly think about what I had done to my brother, but recently I was only constantly thinking about him, my Jesse.

I carefully tucked my hands against my own chest, letting the cold metal arm rest in my lap as I hugged myself, turning to lay on my side against the bathroom floor. I had a short amount of time before Genji would come for his usual visit, he'd come with Mercy for yet another mental stability check, which would leave me bedridden with medication and strict ruling of 'no training, no missions'. I gently rubbed my hand down the cold metal of the arm I had laying with me, placing a kiss against the tip of the ring finger. I brushed my hair back with my fingers, smiling gently as I placed the thick and heavy hat on my head. I rubbed my fingers over the false bullets on the front of the hat. I sighed and smiled before curling up around myself and sniffling softly, letting my tears out as I just began sobbing.

I sat up, placing the note on the bathroom counter before turning the water on in the bathtub. I let the tub fill up, rubbing my hands over the pills and whiskey that had been long sitting by the bath tub. I had been contemplating it for a while, nothing seemed to help me through this anymore. I needed this release, I needed it more then I needed air. I stayed in my clothes as I slipped into the tub, stopping the water and plugging the drain as I began to tremble. I was scared of dying, I knew I was, but this was something I wanted, something I believed I needed. I softly grabbed the orange pill container, emptying the entire canister into my palm before tilting my head black and popping them all into my mouth, not swallowing as I grabbed the bottle of whiskey, his favorite, and tilting my head back as I drank it as well, swallowing hard and enjoying my last moments of living before sighing deeply and leaning back, waiting.

I was not awake when Genji had knocked on the door, nor was I awake when Angela screamed from the bathroom doorway. I wasn't there to watch my own funeral, nor was I there to know how Genji was doing, but at least I knew how my gunslinger was doing, he was doing well. He was taking shots as a topless angel, living with the half of Gabriel's soul that remained, but I was not with him while he enjoyed his shots of whiskey with a bright smile, I was where I belonged, repenting for the things I had done, beneath the clouds that had held his feet. But, I was happy to know he was living the way he wanted.

I rested my eyes, smiling before opening them and looking down at the young girl who sat on the floor of her father's bunk.

"Mr. Dragon, do you know what its like to love?" She asked and I could only smile and chuckle.

"I know what it's like to love, and I know what it's like to lose the one I love, and hopefully you do not have to feel that way, sweet Kira." I spoke softly, resting my head softly into the young girl's lap as she smoothed her hands along my horns.

"But once you love, you will have already lost. You will be losing the loneliness you once had, you will be losing the empty heart you used to once cradle, you will lose the feeling of cautiousness around the one you love, and you will lose a freckle or two, but you will gain so much."

The small child smiled at me, staring down at me with blue eyes and fluffy blonde lashes. The perfect resemblance of her mother, but carrying hints of her father, even if he wasn't technically her father.

"Kira, come out of your room!" I lifted my heavy head before sighing and lifting my head out of the young girl's lap and resting it against her carpet before lifting my entire body up and off her carpeted flooring.

"Go, Kira. Angela is an amazing cook, she will have made you a nice dinner." I spoke and she nodded before the door opened, the tall woman standing in the doorway.

"Kira, come." The tall Egyptian spoke before lowering herself down to the young girl's level, giving me a passing glance before picking her up and tickling her nose. "I'll call Genji later, he'll tell you some nice stories."

I watched the young girl nod before letting herself be carried away. I curled around myself for another day, lifting my head towards the ceiling and sighing deeply before smiling.

"To those hands I used to hold, I miss you."