“Oh, Cercei, you're here.”
“Ooh, Dolly,” I replied with irony.
Dolly used to be my best friend, but now she's the queen bee and my worst nightmare, don’t ask why. I really don't wanna talk about it.
“How are you my dear? You’re still alive, as I can see,” she smirked.
“You're not funny, my dear,” I said, mimicking her. “How is your nose? Are you still recovering from that nose job?” I just couldn’t help it. I’m bad, and I love it.
“Screw you! I’m beautiful and successful unlike you…you’re pathetic and fat.”
“I’m gonna smash your fucking face,” I snarled at her, furious.
“You can't do a thing. You'll always be fat and ugly as shit.”
“Eddie, stop holding me back. Stop!” And as I lunged at her, my world turned black.
I woke up back on my bed with a terrible, terrible, headache. My mom was in the room, watching over me, I guessed.
“Mom? What happened?” I asked, curious. The last thing I remembered was facing Dolly, furious, as she insulted me.
“You had a panic attack…again. Now, just go back to sleep,” she said, her tone calming.
Oh, I think I forgot to tell you about my panic attacks. It's weird because I don't even feel the symptoms. So my first ball could be the like Titanic: A total shipwreck. I can definitely see the ruins of it everywhere.
I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd done to Dolly, and all those people who loath me like I’m some cockroach or bug. The thing was, I’ve always let everyone walk over me. Then they smashed me more than a billion times. Why do I deserve this? I spent almost six years of my life with whores for best friends and assholes making fun of me.
Why?
Was it because I was fat? An easy target? For four years, I was not myself. I was someone else. Taking pills was no fun, and neither was alcohol, but it was my only refuge.
It was not in my plan to be the prodigal son, or the black sheep, or the outsider. All I ever wanted was a place to call home. I didn't ask anyone to understand. All I wanted was for them to just respect me and let me live my life, my own way. But, noooo, I couldn’t have that.
When I was sixteen, I had experienced my first kiss. It was the time that I started to have a life with my first boyfriend, but my ‘dearie’ best friend stole him from me, just with a clap of her hand. I knew that she was prettier than me, and frankly, she still is, but I haven’t done anything to make her act that way to me. Dolly will always be selfish, but was the last day that I had talked to her. I broke my chains away from her, and now I’m free.
Breaking away from my thoughts, I looked at my mom. “Mom, can I ask you something?”
“Yes of course, honey,” she replied with a caring tone.
“What have I done wrong? I mean, do I deserve all these…tortures?” I was on the verge of tears.
She hugged me, and with a soft tone she said, “Sometimes, we don't deserve what we have, and sometimes we deserve more than this. You had all this obstacles to make yourself better. You wouldn't be the same person without all these things, look at you now: you're strong, Cercei, just believe in yourself ...”
“But, Mom,” I said, cutting her off. “I still don’t believe in myself.”
“Cercei, dear, if you don't believe in yourself, then how will the world believe in you? Don't expect anyone to fight for you and to overcome your problems for you, or wait for the knight in shining armor to save you with just one kiss and solve all you problems for you. You have to believe in yourself and stand on your own feet.”
I'd never heard my mom like this before. She never supported me, to be honest. She never understood my situation and what I went through all these years. She thought that was my teenage anger, and that everything was just in my head and nothing bad was actually happening.
Oh, Mom, I thought, how wrong you are.
“Mom, you told me once that I was just angry, and nothing happened at all!” I almost shouted at her, already starting to cry.
“I was wrong, Cercei. I’m sorry for never believing you and letting you destroy yourself. I was just as helpless and alone as you were. You know your father, he doesn't care. He only cares about his job and his prodigal son. I had to take care of your brother, too, you know. Please just try to understand me,” she explained. As she said those words, she had started crying.
I couldn't believe that I never understood her either. She actually was helpless, and I’d never opened my heart to her. My relationship and situation with her was a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ type.
Enough with these things already. I’m not a drama queen, and I never will be.
“Mom, one last thing. What’s the big surprise?” I asked, eager to leave our conversation behind.
She smiled at me. “You will love it honey, you’ll see.”
I didn’t know why this scared me so much, but I guessed I’d find out soon.
BẠN ĐANG ĐỌC
Californication, I hope not
Hài hướcCercie used to be a wallflower - lonely and pathetic should have been her name.She didn;t have enemies except one: William Smith and he was past with all Elementary school memories. Except it all changed during senior year.It was her best year eve a...
