freckles || {Sirius Black} #Wattys2018

Thirteen | A Letter of Love and Despair

Rosemary, her hair aflame in the afternoon sunlight, sat at the desk in her Dormitory, staring at a blank piece of paper. Her brand-new quill sat next to an open inkwell, almost begging to be used to formulate letters into words, words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, and paragraphs into a letter.

As soon as Rosemary's final class ended, she had hurried back to Gryffindor Tower, telling the other girls that she needed to have some time alone. They hadn't pushed her on it, and Rosemary was endlessly grateful.

The freckled girl had always written and sent a letter home to her family every week since the beginning of her years at Hogwarts. Hundreds of millions of words had been inscribed, each full of meaning, love, playfulness, sadness, stress, and countless other emotions that Quentin, Patricia, Linnea, Ivy, and Olive had all read at one point, due to who was currently at Hogwarts or their home.

And now, Rosemary had decided, she had to write one final letter home, even though there wasn't one for her to go to.

Though the gaping hole in her heart was aching, Rosemary finally gathered enough strength to pick up the quill, dip it in ink, and set it to the piece of paper.

Dear Mum, Dad, Linnea, and Olive,

It has been many days now since you were taken from me. With each day, the emptiness in me grows, and I fear that soon there will be nothing left of the girl that used to be me - and in my former self's wake, hopelessness and sadness will be left. If you were still here, any of you, you would not recognize me. The good parts of me were stolen the night you four were stolen.

Rosemary paused, allowing a single tear to track its way down her cheek.

I have tried to be strong, but I have no energy left in me to do so. My friends have tried to help me, and I suppose they have kept me from joining you, but at times, I wonder if that would be the worst thing.

Even if I wanted to join you in whatever heaven you are now in, I could not abandon Ivy. I know that you would want me to stay with her, and that is why I believe that I am still alive.

Nightmares plague me, so I have been able to relive your deaths almost every time I close my eyes for more than a blink. Therefore, I have been able to reflect upon the events of Christmas Eve many times, and I have been able to come to the conclusion that it is my fault.

Rosemary paused, her quill shaking in her hand. A pair of teardrops land on the paper.

I am so sorry.

I am sorry, Dad, for not realizing that something was terribly wrong before you went to check. If I had told you that I knew danger was coming, you may have lived. I have taken a hero from a world that needs one.

I am sorry, Mum, for not defending our family alongside you. You were so brave as you fought those evil men, and I am so proud to call you my mother. If I had fought with you, as valiantly as you did, you may have lived. I have taken the strongest witch in the world from her life.

I am sorry, Linnea, for not being as brave as you. You used all of your power to try to save Ivy, Olive, and me, and though I was old enough and talented enough to assist you, I was too weak to do so. If I had used my talent to try to save you, you may be alive right now. I have taken the most beautiful, ambitious, and intelligent sister from her promising future.

And Olive... I am sorry, Olive, for not protecting you. You were my baby sister, and I loved you more than any words can express. You were so young, and so innocent, and in your final moments you did what I could never do. You had so much courage. You must have been so afraid then, but you still fought it and went to Linnea. If I had held you back, if I had used my magic to shield you, if I had thrown myself in front of you so that I would be killed instead of you, you would be alive, and I would be dead. You had so much life ahead of you, so much that you will never get to live. You will never get to live because of me, Olive, and because of this, I am so, so, so endlessly sorry. I have taken a pure soul from a life that she hadn't even lived yet.

Rosemary dropped her quill, sobs tearing through her body. For a moment, the girl trembled, attempting to find just a small bit of bravery in her pathetic body to finish her final words to her dead family.

I love you. I love you, Dad. I love you, Mummy. I love you, Linn. I love you, Liv. Thank you so much for every second we ever spent together, and just the thought of there being no more seconds makes me unable to function. Thank you for being so full of love and strength, for your entire lives. I will never forget you, not for one second. I will be the best sister I can be to Ivy, and I will keep her alive, even if it means I have to die. I will willingly trade my life for hers, as you all did for me.

Every laugh I hear, I will think I you, Dad. Every sweater I see, I will think of you, Mum. Every book I see, I will think of you, Linnea. Every smile I see, Olive, I will think of you.

Again, no amount of words or number of letters could include everything I wanted to say to you. For my entire life, it has only been all of us as a family. I will have to go on, but that will never mean I will forget any of you. I will carry you with me always.

You will forever have all of my love. I wish I could have saved you.

Until we meet again in heaven,
Rosemary

Rosemary stood, wiping away her tears. She folded the letter and placed it in an envelope, and then dressed in a coat and her Gryffindor scarf.

Quietly, the girl slipped from her dormitory and out of the Gryffindor Common Room.