Brothers at War [#Wattys2017]

nine

There were so many thoughts running through my mind as I lay on Markus' chest and none of them were particularly good thoughts.

I was, mostly, questioning what the hell had happened between the two of us and why I had even allowed it to happen in the first place.

I had just slept with my ex's brother, and for what? To prove that I was over Matt? Or to prove to myself that Markus wasn't all that he seems?

It was never meant to be this complicated, and I was never supposed to have this many questions running through my mind. Not when I was still to tell Matthew that he was the father of my daughter, not when I was in the middle of some disagreement with my mother, and not when I had told myself that Markus was never going to own my heart.

He was everything I thought I hated and this was never going to go anywhere. He was going to brag to his friends how I had, finally, succumbed to his charm and I had given him what he had always wanted from me.

Though, in my mind, I didn't want him to prove me right; I didn't want to be another player in his game. Not when he had defended me to my mother and not when he had been there for my daughter, and he had been the father figure she had been desperately waiting for.

I just wanted this little piece of happiness and I wanted it to last longer than I knew it was going to. But, as always, there was that overriding fear that, just as I had used him, he too was using me. And I didn't like the way my heart cracked at the possibility of Markus not fulfilling the expectations I had in my mind.

"What's wrong, Soph?" Markus' body was towering above me and I felt his thumb wipe away a tear I didn't even know was there.

"This. This is what's wrong."

"Soph—"

"This should never have happened. This is all wrong and I don't want to confuse Callie." I could see the hurt in his eyes and I could see the moment my words hit him as the hurt became shrouded with anger, but there were no better words I could have used.

"What? Is it that wrong for someone to show you that they do care about you and want to be in your life for the long run? Or, was it just wrong because I was me, and not some cheap date you took back to your place?" I flinched at the bitterness in his words but, while he thought I was thinking about myself, I was thinking about my daughter and the confusion this would bring to her life.