The weight of their hurt!

Past reflection

I used to be Beautiful when I walked down the street everyone stared.
I was loved by all because of my face.
Everyone bowed before in the social world me loading me with all I wished for (or so it seemed), but I was MISERABLE!
Maybe my parents were alive!
Maybe I was lucky to not be starving at that time, but my life wasn't perfect and the more people believed it was, the less it became so.
I was mistreated by so many guys,
my mother got sick, I had this weird issue where I saw dead people roaming around, I talked to people in my dreams and they told me scary things and then there was Jay, the biggest tragedy of all. My best friend in the whole world, my greatest gift and greatest my sorrow. The person who could always make things better, the person who fought at my side as loyally or more loyally than I fought at theirs and never asked for payment. The person who held my hand and looked at me so differently from any other man, the one person of the male gender who treated me with respect. He was the most jokey, fun, kinda, sensitive and beautiful person and for years everything we did, we shared. When he cried, I cried too, when I was angry he, I was too and so when his smile faded so did mine, when his eyes became blank mine did too and when he left us part of me went with him. I was tied to him with such thick bonds and I could never get lose no matter how I tried.
That year I had felt more pain then many will in a lifetime because I felt his pain and when he moved on to that place they say is better and for the first time I wasn't fully allowed to go too I broke into 1 million pieces and lost my will to live.
I had so many loses now as my mothers health deteriorated, so many fears as my status, the image I relied on crumpled before me like the body of my  best friend who I'd loved more than anyone else in the world and flew away nothing but ashes on the wind.
I was torn inside.
I didn't want my life.
I didn't deserve it!
Until ...
Until the day I discovered my powers!

* * *

I shock myself suddenly trying to rid me of the past from my memory.
I had gone into a trance as I so often did now and I had awakened to see not my reflection looking back at me but a boys!!
His face was hazelnut brown, muscular but not chiseled. His cheeks were soft and still wore the soft resemblance of a long gone chubby youth, his hair black and tousled in little stubby dreads and his eyes young fern green shined bright alongside his big grin.
The eyes had all their old light in them the mystery and apparent happiness. He might not have been most attractive man you ever saw but to me he was special, he was mine and he was one of the most beautiful and welcoming sights I'd seen in a long, long, long time.
I reached out my hand towards the glass trying to grab him, to hold onto him, to grasp onto that oh so wonderful past but I couldn't forget or ever get back! But just like the everything this moment had to end, as I stepped closer he smiled and as our fingers met and I felt more than glass more than the smooth, cold reflection and I was sure for a second that my hand slid through the transparent surface and I felt warmth and tenderness....
But it was over as quickly as it had begun.
There he was one minute ago standing there my Jay, my JAY and then in a flash just like every time before,
he was gone!