The Butterfly Effect (Rewritten)

Chapter Eight - The Scars We Leave Behind

"You'll want to watch her," the female doctor advised my parents, "a violent miscarriage like this can take a toll on mental health."

"What can we do?" My mother sniffled.

"Just watch her close and give her time. You may find she won't be herself for a while. I'll have someone send you a list of talented therapists."

My dad held my mom while she cried. He thanked the doctor and comforted his wife while Megan laid unconscious in a hospital bed.

In the next vision, a month had passed since the miscarriage. Megan and I were home alone, and I was supposed to be watching her for mysterious reasons my parents never revealed to me. But what good of a babysitter is a fourteen-year-old to a sixteen-year-old?

Megan had been on a food binge for the last hour. I sat in our kitchen watching her clean out all the junk food in the house. I wasn't sure when that started, or if this was her first time doing it, but she hid it well because I had no memory of seeing her food binge. She watched TV in the living room for a while. Then out of nowhere, she jumped to her feet.

"God, I can't take it anymore! I'm disgusting!"

She stomped up the stairs and headed straight for the bathroom. Megan didn't bother closing the door and stepped right onto the weight scale. I stood in the doorway and studied her crestfallen features as she read her weight. Megan stepped off the scale, then shut the bathroom door. I passed through the door because it was her face that gave her away. Megan tied back her hair and knelt in front of the toilet. She raised her first two fingers to her mouth and threw her life away with every calorie that circled the drain.

"I lost myself the day I lost my baby... People with eating disorders do it for control, but an E.D. is the exact opposite. You become something twisted - a sick version of yourself. I've hidden it for so long. I don't know how to stop," Megan from the present confided to my body. "I would have named her Nevaeh if it was a girl."

"Why?" I asked even though I couldn't be heard.

I stood in the corner, examining the blade Divina gave me. It was silver, and the hilt was black. The blade was engraved with intricate runes. Peace. What exactly did Divina mean by that?

"Because it's Heaven spelled backward. I don't know what I believe in, but I'd like to think that's where she is." Megan placed a hand over her stomach.

I forgave her.

I forgave her for everything. Nothing else mattered. Megan was my sister no matter how cold she acted. Now that I knew there was a reason, that there was an entire piece of the puzzle missing, I didn't blame Megan for her distance. How could she act like herself when she wasn't herself anymore? The miscarriage changed Megan. She had become a different person and was trying to find herself again - all on her own. No wonder she took the pain and anger out on me. Everyone had their secrets. Everyone carried regrets. Every person had their fair share. And no matter how bad Megan acted toward me, it didn't make her a bad person. People were far more complicated than that. She needed help, not distance.

I feared my problems too much to put a single thought into the people around me. I couldn't even compare myself to a blind man. At least a blind man had some kind of courage to brave the world. I was a mouse with a broken neck in a trap. The trap had caught me long before the cat ever could, because I did nothing but scurry away without thinking. If I would have just thought... I wouldn't be in this mess.

But how? How was I supposed to consider the people around me when they failed me? Why is everyone sorry after you're gone?

"Christian is in jail now," Megan went on, "the cops arrested him since the park's surveillance footage backed up my story. When it started looking bad for him, he confessed to the whole thing. He was sent to juvenile hall for an attempt on my life. They didn't charge him with murder for the baby, though. It wasn't old enough. But at least he'll be behind bars for a while." Megan's gaze lowered to her hands. "They're going to try him again as an adult. I think I'll have to testify, but I'm afraid of him coming after me if they let him go. I know someday he'll get out, it's just a matter of time."