Cracks

006 | bittersweet reactions

B I T T E R S W E E T

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        Once the kitchen was in sight Avery's hands got clammy, his heartbeat picking up in anticipation.

         Yu Na made her way around the long wooden table situated in the center, taking a seat. The kitchen wasn't much but it was homely. A chopping board lay forgotten next to the stove, where two empty pots had been set in preparation for dinner later that night. Above the stove, a handful of huge pegs had been nailed into the gray wall, holding pots in an easy-access location. Old, rickety, and mismatched chairs sat congregated around the wood table. Some were chipped and most, evidently fixed with odd-colored paint jobs. Two light fixtures hung over the table, casting an almost yellow hue around the room. Faint natural afternoon light leaked in from a skinny window about five feet off of the ground.

Avery quickly took a seat in the chair next to hers, pulling it out slightly so that he could face her as she jumped right to the chase, leaning back with an expectant look on her face.

         Avery wasn't that difficult for Yu Na to read, if he ever tried keeping something from her, she'd know, like the broken finger when he'd run around a wet kitchen after being told him not to. Right now, he look nervous, guilty almost.

         With a shaky hand, Avery reached behind him, setting his phone on the table, and pushing it slightly towards Yu Na. She raised an eyebrow at him, surprised when he didn't explain its purpose. That wasn't like him.

          He inhaled a shaky breath, and Yu Na sent a questioning glance his way before picking up the mobile. Her fingers scrolled the text and then she set the phone down, turning to her adoptive son. A handful of scenarios flew through her head.

Yu Na wanted nothing more than to shield him from the world. She didn't want him hurt, or facing the hatred she'd tried her hardest to keep him away from. He didn't deserve any of that. But despite the obvious problems, this felt like a sign from God, it was his only chance.

With how things were, she knew a college degree was a true ticket to a better life, to beyond this house, the bills, the multiple minimum wage jobs. She'd be damned if she let him pass up an opportunity like this, and she'd be damned if she had to watch him go down her path, even if it meant exposing him to the very things she tried to protect him from.

        As Avery continued to wait, wait for her to ask if it was a joke, or a mistake, Yu Na continued to think, not noticing the inner war the boy next to her was fighting. No matter how much they argued. No matter how much this hurricane of a surprise had destroyed their island of routines, countability, normalcy, and safety. There was a moment of tense silence between the two.

        "Orientation starts July 16th?" He nodded, looking down at the email again as she exhaled.

        "Who's paying for this?" He cut his eyes back to her.

        "Some merit based grants and student loans."

        "I got financial aid." He added, quietly to her furrowing brows. Yu Na stared at him surprised. She'd anticipated pushback and a need to convince. 

        "Do you want to go?" He shot her an incredulous look. That was more in line with what she'd expected. "Of course not. I don't want to leave you, home, everyone—this is my life." He looked back down at the table. She grabbed his hand with hers, her face morphing into one of worry, voice lowered despite the empty room.

          "This is a great opportunity." She started, unknowingly parroting Rachel from earlier that day. "And at the same time, it really worries me," She continued delicately. "You being there, surrounded by those people." Tulsa was famous for its high yield of what was essentially military witch hunters, because of its connection to the Inquisition, the governmental organization for the supervision, containment, and combatant of witches.

She gave his hand a squeeze and Avery stared at the table's surface. He felt like a little kid again, all his conviction and walls coming down in Yu Na's presence.

         "I'm probably going to have to learn how to...you know, and I'm scared. What if something happens–" Yu Na collected her boy in a bone-crushing hug. He reciprocated, wrapping his arms around her thin frame.

        "It won't, I won't let it." She said, despite having no way of ensuring it. They stayed still for a moment, both of them leaning on each other for support.

        We were a bridge, Avery thought. The kids and Yu Na. Sometimes we were the passageway, and sometimes she was the support beams, holding us together. Other times it was the opposite. He inhaled a shaky breath.

        Now, one of her support beams was leaving her. No now, he was leaving his support beams.

        "But please Avery. You can't miss this chance. There might not be another." She whispered into his shoulder, before pulling back. Avery noticed her watery eyes and her fragile, pleasing look. It was as if a "no" would unravel every particle of good in the world. Rachel was right, he really didn't have an option.

       "I-I wish it was a different school, that there was something—," Yu Na's eyes darted around as if looking for a solution. "anything I could do." Avery give her a small smile, trying to tell her it was okay. It had to be ok–there was no other way. He would just have to suck it up and fly under the radar.

        In all actuality, part of Avery had forced himself to make partial peace with it. He was still on the verge of a breakdown, yes, but a weird sense of acceptance had taken root. She smiled through her tears.

        "It'll be quieter around here." It took everything within him to avoid crying. Though, he could feel his eyes getting watery.

*****

And that's a wrap! The next chapter will be out soon!