Attack on Titan Preferences

Erwin Smith x Reader ~ Whiskey Lullaby

Trigger Warning!

Second Warning: Broken hearts in the text below!

Music Recommendation: Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss

Just so you know before reading, I wanted to show the raw and emotional side of Erwin. Usually he is a cool and collected character, but there got to be a side of him that's not. I am sorry if he is completely out of character. I hope you still enjoy it 🙂

She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind

"I am sorry, Erwin. But we are done. I can't do this anymore. You are better off without me."

You looked at him with your beautiful clear [E/C] eyes. The love he always could see in them was gone. That were the last words you said to him.

No matter how much Erwin buries himself in work, you are still on his mind, non-stop. A sigh escapes his mouth as his grip tightens around the glass filled with whiskey. He has to keep a cool mind to do his work, and still he drinks the alcohol, hoping it would wash away the pain in his heart. But it remains with your memory.

Smirking you throw a pillow at him. Easy as always, he catches the cushion in his hands, "Oh, you just started a war you can't win, darling." Confident you raise one of your eyebrows, "I don't think so, Commander."

He rushes forward to wrap you up in his arms, but you are a little bit faster than him. Laughing you jump out of the bed, "Ha, not today." You celebrate your little victory with a dance. Erwin can't take his eyes off you. He wishes he could keep that pure and honest joy in a jar, for the times he needs comfort.

A slight smile appears on Erwin's lips.

"You promised me! Both of us stop being soldiers, not only me. You promised me a family without the risk that one of us get killed in action", you hiss at him as a lonely tear runs over your cheek. Erwin can see the pure pain he caused in your eyes.

"You know, it is not just a job for me. The Scouts are my life", Erwin replies calmly, and that makes you raging. Where does he keep the fire to fight for your love? Does he even want to fight for you?

"Okay, but then I am not going to be in your life anymore", you make up your mind, finally. It hurts like hell, but it is apparently necessary. "I am sorry, Erwin. But we are done. I can't do this anymore. You are better off without me."

Until the night

As soon as the smile appears, it fades away again. It is not true. Erwin is not better off without you. To be honest, he is a mess. Not caring about the consequences at all he drinks another glass full of whiskey. He lost count a long time ago how much he already drank. All those good and bad memories with you keep haunting him. And somehow, he has to wash them away.

Without a further word, you turn around leaving Erwin's office... for the last time ever. He should stop you. Say a word. Just do something.

But Erwin can't move a single muscle. Your words keep repeating in his head over and over again. He doesn't realize yet, that he just lost the love of his life. Breathing calmly, he fills his glass to the rim with whiskey. The grip of his other hand tightens around the ring you gave him back.

He starts to drink away the pain, before he even can feel it.

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said "I'll love her till I die"