The Same Mistake Done Twice

~Feeling Some Way~

Me as a person
Doesn't like to get close to people easily
To people who I don't know
To people I don't talk to
And to people who talk shit about me
Two of these reasons were why I didn't get close to you

I never had intentions of talking to you
Nor have I cared about it
But....
It all changed
My mindset of it completely changed

As soon as I knew it
Sixth grade passed
Seventh was coming
And I made the biggest decision
I thought I would never make
That was confessing how I felt to him
The guy that I liked for so long

It was summer break
I finally had the urge to do it
It was nerve racking as heck
I obviously had to make the move
It went...okay?

But oh boy
My heart pounded so quickly
I was shaking
I was a lot more nervous that I thought
And this was only over text
Yeah yeah, call me pathetic
But it took a lot for one to do this

We started texting daily
But I wasn't liking the way it was going
It was so awkward
So...boring
I always started texting first
And he told me lies

He asked me out
But I said no...
And for that I had my own reasons
But I also thought about it
Was he asking me this because he actually felt that with me
Or was he only ask into play around with me?

I said no
And he decided to not respond anymore
He decided to leave me on read every time
I wrote him paragraphs waiting for a response
But no...there were no responses

And so I gave up
I gave up trying so hard to start a conversation
I gave up trying to get the conversation going
I gave up trying to get to know you better
I gave up everything
Because they never worked

I was sad for months
I just didn't show it
But it was no use being sad over some stupid guy
That was what I thought
So I finally got over him
After months of feeling that way

I felt like I wouldn't be able to like anyone else
For the fact that I liked you for so long
I felt scared that I wouldn't open up to anyone
I felt that I wouldn't be able to see any other guy like how I saw him

But...
I wouldn't have considered it a heartbreak
I was only sad
I wasn't crying
I wasn't mad at him
I didn't have that heavy feeling
It was simply just me being sad

As soon as I got over him
I moved on
A lot quicker then I thought I would
But the next 2 guys that I moved onto
Wasn't as satisfying to me

Yeah..call me greedy and shit
But after what happened with him
I didn't think that I'd be able to like anyone else as much
But I was wrong

That was when my mindset about you completely changed
Seventh grade started
And that is when the actual beginning begins
That was when I moved on to...