it's 1:02am and my eyes are closed but the sky's sobbing outside my window and i can't stop thinking of how you held me when the gods spat lightning down onto earth. your cheeks were flushed like cherry blossoms and your lips tasted like overripe strawberries and the dulce de leche that my grandma kept in an oversized jar on he top shelf in her kitchen.
i am lost again in the idea of you but right now i don't care because i can smell your honeydew rosewater perfume on my sheets and if i hold my pillow closer to my body it almost feels like you're next to me.
YOU BITE DOWN ON MY LIPS
(please tell me this is love)
AND MAKE THEM BLEED SYRUPY INFATUATION
(tell me this is what they show on tv)
AND NOW MY HIPS ARE SINKING INTO THE BATHROOM FLOOR
(or what mom always says i'll find one day)
AND IT HURTS BUT
(mom, this is true love)
IT DOESNT MATTER BECAUSE
(next time i call mom i'll tell her all about you)
YOUR LIPS ARE ALL OVER ME
(and how you make me feel like my lungs have collapsed and all the oxygen's inflating my heart)
ENGRAVING MY SKIN WITH STICKY BURNING BRUISES
(and how you're all the dewy summer sunsets and sharp winter storms and everything in between because without you nothing's really real)
I MELT INTO YOUR SKIN
(and i fucking k n o w this is love)
AND I AM WHOLE AGAIN
but i never told you i love you because i didn't know how so i mouthed it in the space between my tongue and the roof of my mouth every time i kissed you, and in every time i stopped breathing when your hands ghosted my flesh because your skin was the best and worst thing i'd ever felt,
and every time i told you to slow down when you fucked me because goddamnit i just wanted to make it feel romantic.
BUT
i never told you with my words
and now you're gone
and it's 3:07am now because i didn't really want to write this cause it doesn't sound romantic
and all the words are blurring and i can't tell if it's saltwater or liquor
but i know the storm outside has stopped and i know you're probably in a bed that's not yours
but definitely not mine.
