Hiya!, if you don't know who I am by now my names Maylenid but I usually just go by May because not a lot of people can pronounce my actual name. Anyways as you can see by the title of this chapter it's July 24th of 2017, it's the first day of my daily diary.
I've been thinking of doing a daily diary for quite some time but I'm a lazy piece of shit who can't sit and actually write out a diary, but I can type pretty fast so why not put it out there on Wattpad since I already spend more than half my day on this app anyways. I am clinically depressed if that's the term, have been ever since I could remember probably 12 or 13 years old. I also deal with Anxiety. But honestly who now a days doesn't deal with some anxiety?
Today I woke up to do my daily routine of wake up, eat breakfast and get ready for work and I started thinking about life as a whole. I'm 20 years old soon to be 21 (ayee turnip) and I am LOST. I graduated highschool 3 years ago in summer of 2014 and have been lost ever since. Fast forward to fall of 2014 I started working full time and going to school full time, I went to school majoring in business and found out I really HATED business. It's boring like a blank piece of paper inside a notebook of colorful construction paper. So I dropped out of some classes because let's face it who the hell can take 6 classes and work 43 hours a week? NO ONE. Yeah. So I ended up cutting it in half and that was still a lot.
What my schedule looked like:
6am: wake up
630am: get dressed
715am: sociology
830am: calculus
915am: rush to work
930am: clock in @ work
10am-715pm: work
730pm: get home, eat, shower ect.
845pm: homework and study
12am-2am: go to bed (depends how much homework I had) I'd do this repeatedly 5 days a week and weekends I would work 10am-8pm Saturday's and 11am to 6pm Sunday's.
It was still a lot so I decided to drop out of school and focus on work because in all honesty I needed the money far more than school. Fast forward 3 years later and I'm still at the same job and LOST. I don't know what to do. I hated college it wasn't or isn't really for me. I was an honor roll student in high school it was far too easy but college was a whole different ball game. I have talked to many friends some who understand the position I am in and who are there themselves and some who did the whole graduate, go to college and get that degree thing. I know I like science so that's a thing. I am not artistic what so ever. I draw worse than a 5 year old so that's canceled. My singing is ehh like I can maybe get in a few decent notes but I can't exactly sing the national anthem without my voice cracking like 12 year old boy hitting puberty. Dancing was fun in dance school but without dance school I have 2 left feet. I'm average so can't exactly wooo the modeling industry. Everyone else who doesn't go to college seems to either work retail or do YouTube. YouTube looks like fun but how long before you're actually getting paid? And it isn't exactly stable money because the money you make depends on views and what if you make a shitty video that one week that no one wants to watch? Yikes, I'm not exactly YouTube star quality anyways. So what do I do? I have no clue which is basically the conclusion to this whole ordeal that I'm getting at. I'm waiting for the billion dollar idea which hits me like "Oh,that's exactly what you are meant to do for the rest of your life may" but it hasn't hit me yet and I'm terrified I'll never find it without taking risks, but taking risks kicks in fear and well I am a fucking chicken when it comes to change. I despise it. I don't know what is the point of this whole journal diary entry, I know I sort of want it to help people realize that they aren't alone when it comes to things like this because let's face it I know many people are probably in the same position I am at this moment but it feels lonely when no one is talking about it.
They say life really starts when you get out of your comfort zone, but how do you exactly leave your comfort zone.
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Star this if you have ever felt lost and don't know what the fuck you wanna do in life.
Comment your worst fears.
YOU ARE READING
Daily Diary
PoetryThis is an open book or daily diary of what I think about. I am a person who over thinks all aspects of my life. I'm a 20 year old May who is completely lost in this big world of "what the fuck". This diary will contain a good amount of profanity be...
