Deprived

Chapter 31

                Giving up is not in the heart however in the mind. Your mind creates so much scenarios as to what the outcome can be. It breaks, rips and decomposes your heart. Which results into you loosing hope. So don't blame it at your heart, blame it at your mind.This exact quote was made up by my grandmother, she would say these words to me during my time of depression. She, in her house, use to only speak positive words. She desired a more lively environment. I suppose that's the reason why my mother brought me there in the first place.   

         All so suddenly I heard my name being constantly called. This irritated me, I wasn't so quick to react most of the times. But this time I managed to. 

         "What, yeah?" I spoke still a little dazed for my quick response. 

         I realized it was Blake, he had a hint of a grin smeared on his lips. I shook my head assuming he must be playing with me. I sighed heavily as I laid my head back on the leather chair. It felt as if my heart was throbbing, and it was slowly making it's way up my throat. My head also feeling like it's being stabbed, yes stabbed. Wait, does my choice of words not help explain my pain? 

       I sighed once more, this time a little more calmer. I felt like everyone, and everything was bothering me today. For example this room, the lack of lighting creates a dead environment. Also the coloring, white? white?! Sheesh show more generosity and color this place blue for goodness sake. 

      I groaned to myself, as I repeatedly asked the question why? Why does this have to be Emily? This sweet girl has not done anything to harm even a single ant. I can't bare to see her fighting for her life now. Her sweet and lively blue eyes, are now kind of dark. I was not use to seeing her blanking and breathing very slowly. 

      I know I haven't explain Emily's condition before, I thought if I didn't mention it. That if I acted like she was just in the hospital just for pneumonia or something related to that. Her conditoon would've been less serious. But the more I push the whole situation to the side. The more it expanded. 

       Emily, has leukemia, her white blood cells are doubling so rapidly now. Everything was so sudden, she was an inch away from fully recovering. But now the light that led to freedom enclosed and now its dark and misty. 

                   I rubbed my eyes, and stood up. I need to splash water on my face. 

       I reluctantly started to move my heavy feet. 

   "Aria?" 

       I managed to let out a weak mhm. My feet still moving at a slow pace. It was quite evident that I wasn't in the mood, nor in the state of speaking to anyone. With the exception of Emily, if she managed to wake up that is. 

                "Can I speak to you?" Blake asked uncertainty apparent in his tone of voice. 

     I yet again released a weak, and this time replacing 'mhm' to yes.

        I forcefully turned my body, and went straight back to my seat. Not worrying about my surroundings and if I sat on my phone.( I heard a sound when I collided by bottom to the seat.)

        I sat there quietly waiting for him to express his thoughts. I mean that's what he usually did in times like this. 

     "How are you feeling?" Blake moved his body a little towards me, and placed his warm hands on mine. 

      That moved something inside me. I managed to shift my eyes towards his. A flash of hope went through his eyes. I forced myself to change this now vigorously moment, sarcasm.