Why Me?

52

Summers POV
"That you loved me" jake tells me
"I did?" I ask
Why did I say I love Jakob? I love Chris...or at least I think I still do.

Of course I love Chris who am I kidding, his amazing and perfect and hands down the best boyfriend ever, not when he doesn't come to the hospital when I loose out babies. Our babies. But Do I love Jakob? Well Of course I love Jakob but is it the same way I love Chris?
"Yeah you did" jake says
"Um" I don't know what to say
"Do you?" He asks looking at me
"Of course I do jake, but not like that, or at least I don't think I do"  I tell him
"You don't think you do?" He says
"I don't know Jakob" I sigh
"Summer you shouldn't be unsure if you love someone else if you're getting married to someone" he says
"Jake, I just lost my babies, I'm on all these medication and probably don't even know what I'm feeling right now, ask me in a few days after my operation, I'll tell you what I feel then" I tell him
"Okay, I just want you to know..." he begins
"What?" I ask
"I like you. I don't think I ever stopped from before, I'm sorry because you probably don't feel the same but I just thought you should know-" I cut him off by attaching my lips to his, I shouldn't be doing this, by I need to to know if I do have feelings for him or not, Chris cheated on me so why should I?
As his laying next to me he easily rolls over so his hovering over me, I have to be honest his lips feel good, very good when they are attached to mine, I've missed this.
He slides his tongue along my bottom lip asking for permission, I open my mouth and allow him in, this is wrong, so wrong but I don't push him away.
My hands pull at the bottom of his hair and his find my waist, I open my eyes as his lips move to my neck to see Chris standing at the door way.
"Chris!" I push Jakob off me
"Sorry, I'm so sorry" I sit up
"It's fine" he mumbles
"Chris no it isn't" I say
"Yes it is, I cheated on you and you did it for payback it's fine" Chris walks out
"I'm sorry I shouldn't of-" jake starts but I cut him off
"Don't start, I kissed you jake don't say sorry you did nothing" I tell him
"Did you do it for payback on Chris?" He asks
"No" I simply reply
"I don't know"
"Maybe" I sigh
"It's fine, it was good while it lasted" he smiles
"Yeah" I smile back
"Did you feel anything?" He asks
"Yeah, I missed it, but I don't know if I missed the feeling of lips on mine or just your lips" I turn to him
"Let's talk about this when your home healthy and aren't in a thousand drugs" he laughs
"Do you want me to go get Chris?" He asks
"Yes please" I sigh
"I'll come back tomorrow okay? I'll let you have a rest" he kisses my head
"Jake?" I say
"Yeah?"
"Do you think there's any chance that Chris could be gay? Or bi?" I ask him
"No way, he kissed Ethan but I don't think he liked it, he loves you with all his heart, not Ethan not anyone, you." He tells me
"Thank you Jakey" I smile
"All good, see you tomorrow beautiful" he walks out.
Beautiful. Why do I feel so weird him calling me beautiful? My thoughts are cut off my Chris walking through the door slowly, if he walked any slower he would stop.
"I'm sorry" I sit up
"It's okay" he stops walking
"No Chris I'm sorry" I slowly stand up and walk over to him
"I said it's fine" he looks up at me
"Chris I know your upset" I take another step, ignoring the pain that occurs every step I take
"Summer your not supposed to be walking until tomorrow" he steps forward
"You haven't kissed me, every time after a fight if you forgive me you kiss me, and mumble all these things into the kiss, that's how I know you don't forgive me right now" I ignore him telling me not to stand
"Summer you need to lay down" he tells me
"I don't want to Chris, I care more about you and how you feel than how much pain I'm in okay? I love you so fucking much and I don't need to question that, I forgive you for everything and I really hope you forgive me because I can't live without you, I can't go through every day without you helping me get things from tall shelves, I can't live without you driving everywhere because you know I'll crash and probably kill us, I can't live with the memory of me kissing someone else and letting you walk away, I can't live without you at all Chris, you are all I have and you're everything to me baby, I love you" I step closer to him starting to cry, am I loosing Chris?

"I kissed Ethan, you kissed Jakob, it's not like you haven't kissed him before, I'm not gay, I'm not bi I'm straight, We might be going around and around in circles but I know that I'm crazy in love with you, I'm straight, I can't live without you Summer, can't live without your stupid puns, your crazy personality and your amazing...well everything" he says
"I love you, I don't want to ever fight, ever be upset with you or ever want to be with anyone else ever" he holds my waist
"Now..." he picks me up bridle style
"You need to lay down, your hurting yourself babe" he lays me down
"I love you, can we never fight again, i can't do this without you" I tell him as he lays me on the bed
He leans down and connects his lips to mine,
I feel like a slut right now but I don't care, I missed lips on mine, not Jakob's but Chris's, it's always been Chris.
"Now" he wipes his lip
"I've been the first person you've kissed, the last person you've kissed and the only person you're going to kiss from now on" he smiles
"I can do that" I smile
"Can I actually talk to you about something?" I ask
"Yeah anything" he replies
"You won't like it" I say and his face drops
"What is it babe?" He starts to worry
"I don't want to have sex for a while, a long while, I can't have this happening to me again, we've lost 3 babies in the last 2 years, I don't want to make it 4" I tell him
"I respect that baby, we won't until your ready" he side hugs me
"Thank you, I don't want you going out and having sex with other people though!" I laugh
"Trust me unless it's Selena Gomez you can 100% trust me" he chuckles
"Selena Gomez, really? I hate her" I laugh
"How she's sexy as fuck" he tells me
"I just hate her, and hey don't go around calling people 'sexy as fuck' when it isn't about me" I laugh
"Your beautiful babe" he kisses my head
"Mhm suck up" I reply
"No seriously if I could chose you or her, I would choose you in a heart beat" he smiles
"I would choose channing Tatum" I smirk
"Hey bitch" he smirks me
"What have you seen how sexy he is? He can go magic mike on me any day" I reply
"I can go magic mike, I can go magic mike right now" he says quickly and moves so his hovering over me
"Chris" I sigh looking away, it's tempting but no I can't
"Sorry I forgot" he tells me rolling off
"I'm sorry Chris I just-" he cuts me off
"Don't be, I respect you" he tells me seriously
"But I know how bad you want it sometimes, I'm scared you will go off and find someone who does want it" I tell him
"I always want you, not anyone else" he tells me
"You can trust that I'm not going to go out and find someone else, your my fiancé" he says
"If you still wanted to.." he continues on
"Of course I do, Chris your the love of my life" I tell him
"Good, I love You so much" he holds my hand
"As I do for you" he smiles
"I'm sorry this happened to you"
"It happened to You too" I reply
"Well yeah but you have to have an operation which will include another scar, I know how much you hate them, you got to feel the baby kick so that will be a memory that will make it worse, I'm so sorry" he puts his head in the crook of my neck and leaves a soft kiss, leaving his head there
"I'll be fine, you'll be fine, we will get through this together" I run my fingers through his hair
"Together" he mumbles
"I'm sorry again" be whispers
"Stop Chris, it's okay just don't do it again" I say
"I promise, you can rip off my dick if I do" he chuckles
"No that comes to good use, got to keep that" I laugh
"Does it make you feel good" he smirks against my skin
"Yes Chris yes it does" I laugh
"That's good to know" he smiles
"Do you?" I mumble
"Do I...?" He trails off
"Feel good when..." I get to embarrassed to finish the sentence
"When we fuck?" He asks
"Nice way to put it but yeah" I laugh
"of course, it's the best" he looks up at me
"Okay" I giggle
"Best I've ever had" he smiles
"Thats because you've had sex with like 3 people" I chuckle
"2" he corrects me
"Tahlia, me and-" he cuts me off
"I lied, I don't even know why I was young and stupid" he chuckles
"Good" I laugh
"And I'm the only person you've done it with" he looks into my eyes
"Uh Chris" I say
"Yeah?" He raises an eyebrow
"You know that me and Jakob..." I tell him
"Oh yeah that's right, who was better?" He asks
"Chris I'm not answering that"
"Why not I won't tell him the answer" he smirks
"Well" he raises an eyebrow once again
"Well...he was bigger but your better" I look at him
"His bigger! No way" he sits up
"Sorry, you were better though, 10000%" I chuckle
"I better been" he chuckles
And that's what our night consisted of, talking about wonderfully awkward things, but there is no one else I would rather talk too.
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A/N- SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE, I swear I say that all the time? Anyway haha. I WENT TO TEEN VIBES YESTERDAY AND THE BOYS WERE AMAZING!!!!! I MET VLADO, ALEX MATHERS, AND 3 OF THE FISHER BOYS! JAKOB CAME OUT BUT THE SECURITY GUARDS TOLD HIM TO GK NACK STAGE BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO BIG TO COME OUT WITHOUT SECURITY, IM SO PROUD OF HOW FAR THEY CAME! WHOS LISTENED TO THEIR EP? ITS AMAZING AMD EVEN BETTER LIVE XXXXXXXX
UN-EDITED FAM X