Warriors ~ OC Rater (discontinued)

Mudcloud

Owner:

Name: Mudcloud

Nice name. I don't see 'Mud' used often :)

Reason for name: He is a mud brown with white cloud-like patches

Fair enough

Gender: Tom

Toms are underrated! Good job!

Appearance: He is a mud brown with white cloud-like patches and green eyes

Ahhh yes, green eyes are my favourite eye colour on cats :D

Sexuality: Bisexual

Nice!!

Personality/Traits: He is kind and loving but can be a little bit of a pushover, often accused for being 'to feminine', but he doesn't let it get to him.

He could do with a couple more flaws, but for the most part, this isn't bad! He's not a Mary Sue, that's for sure :)

Family: Badgereye (Former mate, female, deceased), Thornpaw (daughter), Barkpaw (son), Cloudpaw (daughter), Ducktail (current mate, male). Floodfoot (mother, deceased)Squirrelleap (father)

This is good! You don't have the ridiculously overused cliche of 'dead family'. In fact, I think it's great that you only have a couple of deceased family members. It's always good with OCs to make sure that they don't have a super super sad story, but a bit of grief can always be great. You nailed it!

Crush: Ducktail

Backstory: (I'll just say it in brief) Mudpaw fell in love as an apprentice with Badgerpaw, but early after earning their warrior title, Badgereye gave birth to three kits, Thornkit, Barkkit and Cloudkit. Yet it was so early into the warrior ship that they would've had to have become mates during apprenticeship. Due to this they got shunned by the Clan, still allowed to live there but receive barley any food and no treatment for illnesses. The only reason Mudcloud survived through the winter was because one of the cats in the clan pitied them, Ducktail. Ducktail gave them food from his own rations, but it still was not enough for Badgereye. Badgereye died shortly after starting her kits on freshkill, of birth related causes. Mudcloud mourned his former mate, but also developed feelings for Ducktail, as did Ducktail with him. Two moons after Badgereye's death Mudcloud and Ducktail became mates. Ducktail continued to reintroduce him back into the Clan until the almost fully excepted Mudcloud. And they watched the kits/stepkits grow up together.

This is pretty good! Like I said before it's kinda sad but with a happy twist, and that's great. I'm glad to see that they weren't kicked out, but were punished instead. Most people probably wouldn't think of that. I love the names too!

How others perceive them: Immature, Not Responsible, bad parent, too young.

Nice to see something different :)

Skills-He was a good single father, and he was excellent at catching birds in his apprenticeship, and is quickly relearning his skills after being stuck in camp for most of his kit's kithood.

Ok. I mean, don't have much to say about this XD

Rank: Junior Warrior

Clan: DewClan

I love the clan name!

Age: (at time of kit's apprentice ship) 19 moons (1)

He WAS a pretty young parent then, but it's fine, as I did the same thing in my story XD

Final rating: 9/10 

There could be some room for improvement, but I don't really have any complaints :)